laughing

My baby is hilarious! This is the first time I've heard her really, really laughing. Enjoy!

Busy Christmas Season!

So remember my last Christmas post where I was convinced I needed to do EVERYTHING Christmas-y? Yeah, we've been busy. We haven't done all of it, but we have done quite a bit, but managed to keep the majority of our sanity in the process. Here's our goings-on:

-We decorated cookies with Kaitlyn! We were supposed to decorate them with my aunt Renee and her kids, but they got sick. SAD! Anywho, I'd already made the cookie dough (thanks Aunt Jana! It was GREAT!) and we made a bunch of buttercream frosting with lots of colors and got to work! It was great fun watching Kaitlyn try to make a purple color, and coming up with a sad grey color, or Jordan writing me messages on the cookies. We listened to Christmas music and really enjoyed ourselves.

-Decorated gingerbread houses with the Forkners. And I finally realized you really CAN put sugar on a burner and it'll just melt... so weird to me. We bought too much candy, and were too ambitious trying to decorate a lot with two 2 month old babies, but it was fun!

-And then the craziness got started! Tyler got married, and Mandy and Casey with their 4 kids stayed at our apartment on Saturday night. Tyler was there as well. Monday everyone moved into Salt Lake to the hotel rooms, while Jordan and I had airport pick-up duties and went back and forth to Provo. The night before Tyler's wedding we crashed at the hotel with everyone, and then spent Wednesday at the temple and in the Joseph Smith Memorial Building for the reception. It was SO beautiful! I am so excited for Tyler and Audra (who made a beautiful bride)!

-Oh yeah, before the wedding we went and saw the lights at temple square. I was distracted with a crying baby most of the time, though, so I don't remember much.

Tonight, we're doing Christmas dinner with our friends, and I'm so excited. It really has been a fun holiday season. We've been able to do fun things, see family, spend time with friends, and listen to wonderful, Christmasy music. Merry Christmas everyone!

Caramel Recipe

Well, I love caramels. I like light caramels that have a more vanilla-y flavor. I like caramels that don't stick to your teeth, but that are really soft. Well, I'd never made caramels before, but I found this recipe and it worked out great! The first time I tried them I cooked them too long and they came out in one big long sheet of caramel hard candy. Tasted good, but we had to throw it away because we had no way to break it up into smaller candy pieces.

I tried it again, with alterations to the temperature with the elevation (apparently, for ever 500 feet above sea level, you're supposed to kick down the temperature 1 degree. That means here in Provo, everything is down a whole 9 degrees! Freaky!), and it turned out much better. I love the flavor and texture. So, without further ado, here's the recipe! Enjoy!

Ingredients:

• 2 cups heavy cream
• 1/2 cup sweetened condensed milk
• 2 tbs vanilla
  
• 2 cups light corn syrup
• 1/2 cup water
• 2 cups granulated sugar (I like to use baker's sugar, which is a lot finer and makes sure that it has a great texture, but you don't have to).
  
• 1/2 cup (1 stick) softened butter, cut into small cubes

Preparation:

1. Prepare a 9x9 pan for big caramels, or for more smaller ones use a 9X13 pan, lining it with aluminum foil and spraying the foil with nonstick cooking spray.

2. In a medium-large saucepan combine the corn syrup, water, and granulated sugar over medium-high heat. Stir the candy until the sugar dissolves, then use a wet pastry brush to wash down the sides of the pan to prevent sugar crystals from forming and making the candy grainy.

3. When the temperature of the corn syrup, water and sugar hit about 230, combine the cream, condensed milk, and vanilla in a small saucepan, and place the saucepan on a burner set to the lowest heat setting. You want the milk and cream to be warm, but do not allow it to boil. (I don't like it when a skin forms on top of this, so put off warming the milk and cream as long as possible. If I need it warmer faster because I misjudged the time, I just turn it to a higher heat and stir continuously. It needs to just be warm, so I dip a clean pinky in to make sure it's warmer than room temperature, that works pretty well. It certainly doesn't have to be scalding or anything).

4. Insert a candy thermometer and reduce the heat to medium. Allow the mixture to come to a boil and cook until the thermometer reads 250 degrees (for Utah, go to 245 - I know that's not 9 degrees under, but it's safe because it has worked for me! If you live in a different location, look up your elevation and adjust accordingly).

5. Add the softened butter chunks and the warm milk-cream mixture. The temperature should go down.

6. Continue to cook the caramel, stirring constantly so that the bottom does not scorch. Cook it until the thermometer reads 244 (in Utah, go to 235-236), and the caramel is a beautiful dark golden brown. (I like to check mine using the hard ball test: take some really, really cold water and drop a little bit of caramel in. Wait 10-15 seconds, and then feel it. It should hold it's form, but squish in your fingers under pressure. You can taste it, and it shouldn't be too stringy and shouldn't stick to your teeth. I found if I test it and it seems just under, go ahead and pour it in the pan because it will continue to go up a few degrees after pouring).

7. Remove the caramel from the heat and immediately pour it into the prepared pan. Do not scrape candy from the bottom of the saucepan. Allow the candy to sit overnight to set up and develop a smooth, silky texture. (I have to wait at least 24 hours, possibly because my caramels are a little softer).

8. When you are ready to cut the caramel, place a piece of waxed paper on the counter and lift the caramel from the pan using the foil as handles. Flip the top of the caramel onto the waxed paper and peel the foil layer from the bottom of the caramel.

9. Spray a large knife (or kitchen knife) with nonstick cooking spray. Firmly cut into the caramels, creating 1” squares. Wipe the blade and re-spray as necessary. I wrap them in clear plastic squares. There's fancy things you can do with wax paper too... I'm just lazy.

Our first Christmas alone...

So, I've been anxious about our first Christmas by ourselves. It does help that we have a baby now, but she's a little immobile and basically only gets excited about eating, not too much for presents and Christmas. However, during my long drive back from Missouri, I thought of lots of ways to make this Christmas special for Jordan and I! Here's a couple of my ideas:

-Listening to LOTS of Christmas music. One of our favorite methods is to live stream in 103.9 in Fairbanks, which plays all Christmas music, plus we can hear commercials from Fairbanks, which makes us feel at home. (Weird, I know). Also, on Pandora I can listen to all Jim Brickman-like piano Christmas music. AWESOME! Music, check

-Putting up our tree! I'm so happy I got one last year! It's nothing grand, but it is taller than Jordan and I, which is probably a weird request, but because it's taller than us it feels like a real Christmas tree.

-Lots of baking, warm stews, and egg nog. Yum. Just warm, yummy seasonal food to get us feeling Christmas-y.

-Decorating sugar cookies! We did this when I was a kid, and I LOVED it.

-Gingerbread houses! Last year discovered how useful melted sugar was to create cement hard houses...

-Some sort of service project...? Certainly delivering goodies to friends, but maybe going to an old folks home to sing Christmas songs? A 12-days of Christmas project to a friend? Ideas are welcome...

-Going to the BYU choirs Christmas concert. THis might be tricky, because we can't bring the baby, but we'll see what I can pull off... :)

-Watch It's a Wonderful Life and Elf. Maybe Harry Potter. We recently bought all the Lord of the Rings DVDs for a total of $6, so we plan on watching a marathon of those on Christmas Day.

-We already started, but listening to Chronicles of Narnia on CD. Particularily the Lion, Witch and Wardrobe felt nice and Christmas-y.

-Caroling! Or at least getting together to sing Christmas songs...

-Going to the temple. Also tricky with the baby, but I'm very committed to going sometime this Christmas season.

-Going to see the lights at temple square!

Anyone have any fun Christmas traditions they do at Christmastime to help Jordan and I get through our first season alone? I'm thinking about trying to bundle the activies in a "12-days before Christmas" thing. So, one night we'd decorate sugar cookies, another we'd watch It's a Wonderful Life, etc. Please comment if you have any cool ideas!

Missouri for Thanksgiving... again!

Things we did in Missouri:

-watch probably around 20 hours of football. Cried a little when Boise State lost. Cried even more when BYU barely lost the Utah game.

-Play tons of rounds of this awesome game of Time's up. It's like taboo and charades wrapped into one. My favorite moment:
(trying to guess who's on the card)
Ben: Um... oh, I don't know who this is... is he in Pretty Woman? No, I don't think he's in Pretty Woman...
Dad: Alec Baldwin!
Ben: Yes!

-Enjoyed a delicious Thanksgiving feast! And Pie. Lots of pie.

-Showed off my beautiful baby girl.

-Talked and talked and talked. My sister-in-law Kelly, who has a baby girl three weeks younger than Clara, was in the basement with me, and even though we both knew we should sleep when our babies sleep, we couldn't help staying up way too late talking.

-Went Black Friday shopping with Jordan's mom! I wasn't going to go, but then as I was sitting around the house I realized I was a missing a great time, so I decided to go catch up with them!

-Played Dominion a ton.

-More talking.

-Eating DELICIOUS food.

But more important, we were able to spend quality time with our family. I enjoyed spending time with everyone, and I so hate it when I go. *sob*

So much to say...

I have struggled for weeks to write something, but every time I sit down I'm overwhelmed with all the changes in our lives since Clara's been born, and all that we've done in the last two months.

Yes, my beautiful baby is growing up fast! She's definately lost that newborn look to her, she's very chubby and filled out. She holds up her head and can look around. I can almost carry her around on my hip, her head control is that strong. She's not very cuddly... which is oh so disappointing to me, because all I want to do is cuddle with her! We finally figured out that she DOES like the Moby, she just has to be facing out, looking at the world. She is SO generous with her smiles, and Jordan swears he got her to laugh the other day. She loves getting her diaper changed by Daddy because he just sits and plays with her. She loves her swing, and sometimes it's the only way I can get things done! While we were in Missouri, she was CRAZY patient with the other kids, especially the little ones who wanted to get in her face and poke her a bit (their mother's and I did our best to protect her, but sometimes things just got crazy!). I'm fairly certain she enjoys being held more by other people than me, probably because she see's me and thinks "food!"

Sleep has been very touch and go recently. But recently things have really started to come together. She has a VERY consistent morning nap: an hour and a half after she gets up, she needs a nap. I'm pretty religious about putting her down after being awake for 2 hours, which is very helpful. Nighttimes are still tough. She goes to sleep easily, but fusses awake after about an hour, and sometimes all I can do is hold her binkie in until she goes to sleep. When she's really upset, she DOES sleep better snuggled up with me, but the truth of the matter is I DON'T get good sleep because she is a very hot and sweaty little baby... anywho, I feel like last night we had a break through, she slept FOREVER in the hotel room. Like, I got a whole 5 hours of uninterrupted to sleep (except when I woke up at 1am freaking out because she hadn't woken up and I had to make sure she was breathing.... but me messing up my own sleep doesn't count here). In general, I've told myself not to worry too much until she's 4 months old, but try to reenforce healthy habits as best I can.

All in all, she's an absolute joy and SOOOOOOOOOO cute! I love her tons and tons!

Chocolate Chip Cookies

Ok, I have a history with chocolate chip cookies. I started to bake chocolate chip cookies when I was 7 years old. I got really good at making them. I figured out how to make it so they were the perfect texture and oh so tasty. I had... "the magic cookie touch."

And then I moved to Utah. And something happened. I lost the touch. They always turn out flat and lame texture. They taste alright, I guess, but... they just aren't super great.

By far the BEST cookies I've ever had are my sister-in-law Anna's: ah, so perfect. Good volume (not cake-y, but not flat), a nice lovely color, perfect size... and just utterly delicious. Anna has mad skills... "the magic cookie touch." :) Sadly, I do not have such skills (it MIGHT be Utah's altitude, I'm not sure). I've tried to replicate her recipe with not such good results (it is better then mine from my childhood, but I still can't do it as well as she can.)

So, that being said, I have discovered a "dummy proof" chocolate chip cookie recipe! Basically, all you do is replace 1/2 cup of sugar for a package of vanilla pudding mix. Here's the recipe:

4 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
2 teaspoons baking powder
2 cups butter, softened
1 1/2 cups packed brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
2 (3.4 ounce) packages instant vanilla pudding mix
4 eggs
2 tablespoons vanilla extract
4 cups semisweet chocolate chips

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Sift together the flour and baking soda, set aside.
2. In a large bowl, cream together the butter, brown sugar, and white sugar. Beat in the instant pudding mix until blended. Stir in the eggs and vanilla. Blend in the flour mixture. Finally, stir in the chocolate chips and nuts. Drop cookies by rounded spoonfuls onto ungreased cookie sheets.
3. Bake for 10 to 12 minutes in the preheated oven. Edges should be golden brown.

I cut the recipe in half because this makes a LOT of cookies. I am curious as to what different flavored pudding (like white chocolate) would taste like. So, if you have lost the "magic cookie touch" like me, you can make these!

My new favorie recipe!

Pumpkin-Spiced With Chicken Chili!

I have already made this twice, and I only discovered the recipe a week ago. SO GOOD. Jordan and I don't even LIKE chili that much... but this recipe is AMAZING. And pretty healthy! And fairly cheap! It's basically the perfect recipe.

About 2 lbs skinless, boneless chicken breasts and/or thighs, roughly chopped into bite-size chunks
3 15-oz cans of Cannellini beans (or Great Northerns), drained and rinsed
1 large sweet onion, chopped
2 4-oz cans of chopped green chiles
2 heaping Tablespoons of canned 100% pumpkin
2 cups fresh or frozen corn (about 2 cob’s worth)
1 ¾ cup low-salt chicken stock
1 12-oz can of low-fat evaporated milk
4 Tablespoons of olive oil
1 Tablespoon chili powder
1 teaspoon cumin
½ teaspoon black pepper
½ teaspoon cinnamon
¼ teaspoon nutmeg
¼ teaspoon salt
Salt and pepper to taste
2 Tablespoons of fresh cilantro, chopped (optional)
¾ cup sharp cheddar, grated (optional)

Directions:
1. Rinse chicken and pat dry. Chop into bite-size chunks. Sprinkle with a little salt, pepper and a pinch of chili powder.

2. In a large heavy skillet, heat about 2 tablespoons of olive oil over med-high heat. Saute the chicken until starting to brown on all sides and cooked through (no longer pink inside). About 5 minutes.

3. In a large stock pot, saute the onion in two tablespoons of olive oil until soft and tender (about 8 minutes). Stir frequently to avoid burning. Add the garlic, green chiles and all the dry spices – stir another 5 minutes.

4. Add the cooked chicken, beans, corn, stock, milk and pumpkin. Combine well and simmer for about 30 minutes. Taste from time to time and adjust seasonings as desired.

5. Garnish with cilantro and cheddar (if desired) and serve hot.

If you have a chance, try it. Seriously.

Pumpkin Bread

Ok, I can't take credit for this recipe, it's really my aunt Renee's. She eats it like a moderately healthy muffin. I, being the brilliant baker that I am (with no consideration for my arteries), basically turned it into cake by adding chocolate chips and frosting it with cream cheese frosting. I love it because it's really easy and basic, and really nice and pumpkin-y tasting. And I really love the cream cheese frosting. A lot. It tastes like cheese cake on steroids.

Pumpkin Bread
3 1/3 c. flour
2 t. baking soda
1 t. salt
1 t. cinnamon
1 t. nutmeg
3 c. sugar
1 c. oil
4 eggs
2/3 c. water
2 c. pumpkin

Mix all together and pour into 2 or 3 large loaf pans. Bake at 350 for one hour. You can also do mini loaves or muffins (the time is a little bit questionable, just check regularly). I like to add 1 cup and a half of semi-sweet chocolate chips (milk chocolate is a little too sweet...). Then, after it's cooled, I frost with cream cheese frosting:

1 package of cream cheese
1/2 cup butter
3 cups confectioners sugar
1 tsp vanilla

Cream butter and cream cheese. Add sugar, mixing one cup at a time. Add vanilla.

I frost pretty generously, but I pretty much LOVE frosting, so that's not very surprising. This makes for a pretty rich dessert, so if you like something lighter, just try the bread part. That's also delicious.

Fall Cooking!

It's fall! And that means my favorite time of year to cook! I love the spices, pumpkin, the warm, cozy feeling that all food this time year brings. Of course, it's a little insane for me to be cooking like I have with a new baby like this... I spend a lot of time stopping half-way through recipes to go feed her, which can frustrate some recipes, and instead of sleeping when she sleeps I've been cooking, which is probably pretty silly... but I can't help it!

So, here's a few of my favorite recipes. The first is a beef stew that Jordan LOVES! Well, I love it too. It can be done as a slow cooker recipe, but I like the texture of the different foods and I feel it all gets too mushy in a slow cooker.

Beef Stew

• 2 pounds beef stew meat, cut into 1 inch cubes
• 1/3 cup all-purpose flour
• 1/2 teaspoon seasoned salt
• 1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
• 2 clove garlic, minced
• 2 bay leaf
• 1 teaspoon paprika
• 1 teaspoon marjoram
  
• 1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
• 1/2 cup cooking wine
  
• 1 onion, chopped
• 1 1/2 cups beef broth
• 3 potatoes, diced
• 4 carrots, sliced

1. Mix flour, seasoned salt and pepper. Put in gallon size bag, and add beef, shaking until beef is coated in flour mixture. Sauté coated beef in 1-2 tablespoons olive oil until browned. Add chopped onion to beef to sauté and soften.

2. Put diced potatoes and carrots in the pot. Pour water over potatoes and carrots until just covered, boil to soften. Discard the water.

3. Mix beef broth with Worcestershire and ½ cup red wine. Add beef, broth, Worcestershire sauce and red wine to potatoes and carrots. (I like my beef a little bit more liquid, so I might add a little more broth to make it the consistency I like).

4. Add garlic, bay leaf, paprika, marjoram to stew. Simmer for about 15 minutes, or until desired thickness. Then enjoy!

This is a pretty basic beef stew that you can add or remove things based on your preferences. Jordan doesn't like onion, so I usually use a minimum amount. You can play around with the spices, add stuff you like, etc. And it's absolutely delicious for a nice fall evening.

I am alive!

Clara will be 3 weeks old tomorrow. I feel like she's getting bigger right in front of my eyes. It's amazing how different I feel like she looks, even now. She's definitely longer, with chubbier little cheeks and legs. Jordan and I spend a good part of our days just snuggling with her and obsessively discussing how she's the cutest baby ever. She's just lovely.

I'm recovering well. There were some rough days there at the beginning when I was still feeding her obsessively every 2 or 3 hours (like, waking her up to feed her) and she would fall asleep while nursing. I was really worried she wasn't getting enough to eat. She surpassed her birth weight at the 2 week appointment, so no worries! I'm sleeping longer at nights, and she's sorta starting to develop something of a nap schedule... kind of.

I'm also really proud that I haven't let the apartment (in terms of cleaning) get away from me. I knew this would be important to my sanity, and I figured out a way to do just enough so that I don't go crazy, but not so much that I'm obsessive. I'm a much better housekeeper as a mom than I was before, which is strange...

Jordan's been such a blessing to have around. I actually have to be careful I don't use him TOO much, because he really has work and studying to get done. We've been blessed to have tons more work hours avaliable to us this month (and probably for the next few months), which means we finally aren't totally broke! WOOT! Jordan's also working towards taking the third actuarial exam in early November, so he's really busy. But he always have time to change Clara's diaper and cuddle her for a bit so I can grab a shower or a quick nap. I'm SOOO lucky... :)

Clara

She's here! And she's sooooo cute!

Born Tuesday, September 28th at 1:01am at 7 bl 13 oz and 19 1/2 inches long. And the baby's a GIRL! I still can't get over it. I really, really thought it was going to be a boy. Right after she was born, I was so exhausted from pushing and so surprised that she was a girl that I didn't have the typical outpouring of emotion. I just kept looking at Jordan going, "A girl? Really? Are you sure? It's really a girl?" At one point the nurses wanted me to look at her, exclaiming how cute she was. I was a little... loopy, I guess, because all I could say is, "I can't see her, I don't have my glasses on." Yeah, that's a loving mother for ya. :)

In my defense, right after she was born, there was a sudden flurry of activity and so much was going on and I was so shocked that I had a really hard time deciding what to focus on (I know, the baby probably should have been my first choice... come on, I just pushed the 7 pound baby out!). She ended up having some trouble with her lungs. She was breathing, and I heard her cry, but her lungs weren't fully inflating. I got to hold her for about 3 minutes before the whisked her away to the NICU for some sort of breathing treatment on the CPAP machine. We got her back about 2 1/2 hours later (now 3:30 am), and at this point I had come to my senses and all I wanted to do was snuggle her.

Since then, she's doing pretty well. She's a bit jaundiced, so she looks quite yellow. We've had to go in for a blood test the last three days, but no lights yet. And Jordan and I just can't get over how pretty and sweet she is. We just love looking at her and cuddling with her.

Every night that we've been home has gotten better. The first was the worst: I was the human pacifier. Since we've introduced a REAL pacifier, she sleeps better and only eats every two hours, NOT every hour (thank goodness!). We're both pretty sleep deprived, but we're in good spirits and surviving. I struggle to remember to eat and shower, but I figure after we get through these first two "survival" weeks, I'll get much better about being presentable. All in all, I'm SO happy she's here!

More unexpected blessings...

Well, the baby will be here in less than a week. Yesterday at my doctor's appointment, he said that while I wasn't dilated/effaced enough to induce now, basically no matter what we're going to induce next Monday. He'd still like it earlier if my body cooperates, so I'm getting checked again on Thursday to see if I've made any progress. The sad thing is I WAS making good progress with quite a few contractions and such until I was put on bedrest, and now everything has come to a halting stop. I might get a couple of good contractions a day, but not near as many as a week ago. Anywho, so I don't really think I'll be quite ready for a baby by my appointment on Thursday, but for SURE on Monday this little cutie is coming out!

While I'm wonderfully excited, I can also feel those moments of fear and anxiety creeping up. What the heck have I signed up for? My whole life is about to change, forever, I know it has, but there's not way I can know in how many ways... And w hat do I know about babies, anyway? Nothing! And so I find myself in the shower, utterly freaking out about what's about to happen.

And, lucky me, I get out of the shower, and I go whimper to Jordan, "Love, what have we done?!" And the strong, amazing man he is says, "Don't worry, we're going to be fine."

How lucky am I? Last night as I was laying in bed, I realized I have spent so many months and months anxiously worrying about Jordan getting a job, getting out of Provo, starting our "real lives," that I think I've missed one of the greatest, sweetest blessing in my life. Yes, it's hard not knowing our future, but for the next few weeks Jordan's going to be right by my side as I try to figure out this newborn baby thing. We don't have to worry about vacation days, or getting back to classes (if he was going to school...), and we don't have to worry about a move and not knowing those around us. As I'm facing childbirth and a new baby in the face, not having a job might be one of the best things that's ever happened, at least for now. I get the constant companionship of Jordan through these next stressful, exhausting weeks.

Of course, we still want a job, and the catch is that we are poor... but even that has been taken care of for us. Just last week, Jordan's work he does in Provo (which has been a little bit slow as of late) picked up in a big way and he'll be able to work from home and make some pretty good money for the next month or so. And even while I'm saying "Yay, Jordan doesn't have a job!" we have two really great job leads that are really promising. We've been taken care of in every way possible.

Bedrest...

That's the new official declaration by my doctor. It's been a really rough month of being pregnant: the flu, then a nasty cough, then some miserable back pain due to the cough (went to the chiropractor about that...), the flu again, then to the hospital because of suspected pre-eclampsia. And, after today, no more running errands.

The hospital trip was yesterday when my flu-like symptoms made me a bit suspicious there could be something more going on. I was also unusually swollen, without doing much walking around and I also had some really sudden weight gain (which has NOT been typical of my pregnancy), this combined with the fact that my blood pressure has been elevated since about week 20 made me worry that it could be pre-eclampsia. So we headed to the hospital on the advice of our brother-in-law doctor Bed (we love you Ben!), just to make sure everything was ok. After a series of tests, they went ahead and told me I could go home, but I had to take it easy and run some MORE tests, and see my Doctor on Tuesday.

Well, my Doctor got the hospital reports back this morning and decided it was necessary to see me today, to officially diagnose me with mild pre-eclampsia, tell me not to move around, that I have to take my blood pressure 4 times a day, and try to keep this baby in me for at least another week.

The good news is that bed rest doesn't mess me up too bad, since I basically hang around the house all day anyway. And since I'm full-term, I'm totally ok with this baby coming sooner rather than later, so I don't have much to complain about. Well, all the tests they made me take have not been a joy ride, but I'm happy to say I think this whole pregnancy thing should wrap up in the next two weeks! WOOHOO! I'm so excited to meet this little person!

Any bets yet on if it's a boy or girl?

Tender Mercies

So, many people know that Jordan and I have anxiously been waiting to hear back about this job in Boston. It's a great opportunity, Jordan liked the people, the interview went really well, and we were very, very hopeful. Today, however, we got a really disappointing "no" from them. For me, at least, this was pretty heartbreaking. It doesn't help that I'm 9 months pregnant and my hormones are all over the place, but I was pretty torn up about it. I was really trying to be strong for Jordan (and failing miserably), but Jordan was amazing. He was telling me that while he was disappointed, he certainly didn't feel the situation was hopeless. He felt good about other prospects and was prepared to keep working hard on applications. So, in the hour after we get the news, we're sitting together, me crying, Jordan consoling and both of us trying to figure out our next step, when the phone suddenly rings.

Jordan jokes, "Ha Ha, that'll be this company again..." when he looks at the number and realizes it's an East Coast number. To our astonishment, it's The Hartford, calling for an interview! They give a quick interview, explaining that they have a couple of openings available and Jordan was on their short list of possible candidates. In the end, they tell us that they'll give us a call in a few days to either schedule further phone interviews or a possible on-site interview.

Here's what's amazing about this: it's been MONTHS since any company has contacted us. MONTHS. Even more so, we had been trying to get a hold of the Hartford specifically for months as well. We started an application with them back in November, got turned down for a job in March, and when we were in Connecticut a few weeks ago, tried to get another interview. At that point they told us they were just going to hire out of their interns. And then, just an hour after we get a heartbreaking no from the Boston company, we get a call with another very hopeful (and very unexpected) lead!

As Jordan was on the phone, I couldn't help but say a prayer of thanks to Heavenly Father (and then I proceeded to cry some more, because that's what I do...). I know that the timing of the calls was not an accident. We are being watched and taken care of; Heavenly Father is very mindful of us and our situation. It reminded us that although things may be discouraging now, that eventually, somewhere out there, is the right job for us, and we shouldn't give up. He knows ME, He knows how afraid and scared I am, with a baby coming shortly and limited income, He knows how to tell me that He is still in charge, that we have not been forgotten.

This job may not be the job (although it is a pretty awesome opportunity), but today I am so grateful for Tender Mercies from the Lord. We will continue to work at these job applications as hard as we can, and trusting that there is a plan for us. That is not to say everything from here on out will be easy, because I know it won't, but I can rest assured that Jordan and I are not alone.

A pregnancy update...

Well, I'm well into my third trimester and less than 6 weeks away from my due date! I think this post is another "bullet point" type, simply because there's too much going on to work into coherent paragraph's (don't worry, I tried).

-The worst thing about the long road trip was my legs got MAJORLY restless. I think it's called restless leg syndrome, and it sometimes happens during pregnancy. Mostly, I just wanted to move my legs when I would be sitting in the car. Half the time we stopped not so I could just use the bathroom but so I could get my legs moving. Not fun.

-So, everyone else who's pregnant that I know keeps talking about their really bouncy, wiggly baby. Don't get me wrong, our baby definitely moves around and gets a little kicky sometimes, but overall I wouldn't describe this baby as especially bouncy. Which I think is great! I hope it means that we'll have a nice, calm, mellow baby, like Jordan was. Really, I just hope our baby is like Jordan was as a baby...

-At my doctor's appointment a week ago, I had an ultrasound to determine the position of the baby and such. Everything looks great, and the baby is still measuring about 10 days ahead! Woohoo! I really hopes this means the baby is going to make an appearance a bit early... although my mom likes to dash my hopes and just says I'm going to have an 11 pound baby a week late. Not cool!

-So, I managed to get the flu while in Connecticut visiting. It seems totally unfair that a huge 8 month pregnant woman gets the flu longer and more severe than anyone else in the house, but that's what happened. I've also been fighting a cold, which recently moved into my chest. It seems rather than my immunity being up, I feel way more susceptible to any little bug going around. I wish this cold would go away...

-Fun Fact: When I had the flu, I discovered you CAN throw up out the window of your car going down an interstate at 70 mph. But your car will need a wash afterward...

-Because of my cold, I went to the doctor yesterday to see if I could get something to help me sleep, and I found out in the last week I managed to LOSE 5 pounds. I don't know if I've ever heard of that in the third trimester...

-I still haven't packed on a bunch of weight with this baby because my appetite just hasn't really ever returned. I am officially 3 pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight. When we would go into restaurants while on the east coast, I think the waiters would look at me very pregnant and go "Score!" They were sorely disappointed when I would just order a salad. My poor tummy is so squished that I can hardly eat much at all.

-Heartburn is so not my friend. But I think I eat more tums than regular food...

-Here's my feeling on the gender: I think the baby is a boy. Now, this might be because Jordan's brainwashed me (he really wants a boy), but... I think it's a boy. Which is kinda sad because I sorta want a girl (I have so many cute cute girl clothes from my mom!!!). But my "mother's instinct" is saying "boy." Let's see how accurate that is!

-Overall, I'm getting super excited to meet our little baby! It's coming fast and I feel... calm. I'm trying to stay emotionally flexible and relaxed as much as possible, and I"m trying not to over-think things. We still have some necessities missing, mostly due to the fact that we may or may not be moving to Boston before the baby's born. So, the baby still doesn't have a place to sleep or a car seat or anything. But, you know, if I had the baby today, Jordan promised me he would go out and get those things I need, and we'll be just fine. I'm so excited to meet this little person. I know our lives are going to change dramatically, and that's always scary, but it's also fun and exciting! We have each other, and we have the gospel and can pray to Heavenly Father, and we have really supportive families behind us. I think we're going to do just fine. :)

The Baby or BYU Football?

Jordan and I just returned from a long roadtrip across the USA, and with that we had LOTS of time to talk. With college football season fast approaching, we talked a lot about BYU football and such. Now, I know Jordan loves BYU football, but the amount of his obsession only recently became clear. On our way there, we had this conversation:

Amanda: "Now, Jordan, you realize that we won't ALWAYS be able to rearrange our schedule every single BYU game day, right?"
Jordan: "Why not?"
Amanda: *shocked* "Um, because you're saying that almost every Saturday from September-December we'll have to work around a football game for the rest of our lives."
Jordan: "And this is a problem because..."
Amanda: "Uh, what if our kids have a soccer game?"
Jordan: "Oh, I'll have a smart phone by then and I'll be able to watch it there."

etc.

Of course, when ever I start getting to involved in talking about baby stuff and when the baby comes, Jordan's favorite change of topic has been to turn it to BYU football.

Here's another we had during our many car rides:
Amanda: "So, Jordan, do you promise that if I go into labor during a BYU football game that you'll come to the hospital with me."
Jordan: "Well, I mean, if you're just 'in labor' with an epidural and it's going to be hours before the baby's born, wouldn't be ok if I went to the game? I mean, if you're going to have the baby RIGHT THEN, then I suppose I'll miss the game..."

The big question came on our trip home, when I asked:
Amanda: "So, Jordan, if BYU went to a BCS Bowl this season, what would be the bigger event of 2010: Our first child being born, or BYU going to a BCS Bowl."
Jordan: *silence*
Amanda: "Did you hear me?"
Jordan: "Yes, I'm thinking about it... that's really hard to say."

....

Amanda: "YOU HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT?"
Jordan: "HA! If BYU goes to a BCS bowl, they won't play until 2011! So, the biggest event of 2010 will be the baby, and the BCS bowl will be a 2011 event!"
Amanda: *stunned silence*

So THAT'S where his priorities are... :) Hahahaha

DISCLAIMER: Of course, Jordan is very excited for the baby, and I'm sure that if I was going into labor, he'd miss the game (but we'd probably watch it in our hospital room... hey, I like BYU football too!), and I'm sure he'll be very happy to have a baby AND have BYU win.

Connecticut!

So, after Mandy and Casey left for Missouri, Jordan and I decided to take our oft rescheduled trip to Connecticut! What a great decision it was, too. The drive was INCREDIBLY long (3 days of driving at least 12 hours... ouch!), but it was fun to drive through states we'd never been in. Jordan and I tend to be pretty happy travelers and we enjoy our time together (although by that last day we were getting a bit short with one another...). The hardest part is my pregnancy, and drinking lots of water and needing to use the bathroom basically once ever 1-2 hours. We soon figured out the best method was to use rest stops instead of stopping at a gas station off the highway every time. On the East Coast, too, they have cool rest stops that have gas stations and McDonalds and stuff, so you don't have to really get off the highway. AWESOME!

My new favorite discovered pregnancy/travel meal? MacDonald's smoothie with a large fry... SO good!

So, we got a Connecticut and proceeded to thoroughly enjoy ourselves just spending time with the Jacobs! I think Kelly was concerned that we weren't out doing enough stuff, but really Jordan and I just enjoyed hanging out at her place, eating out at the GREAT restaurants they took us to, and napping on her couch. I really loved just being able to walk into her kitchen just to talk and such. One day we went swimming, which was super fun in the hot weather, and another day we went to a monster themed miniature golf course (where I beat Jordan!). Kelly is due with her baby in October just a few weeks after me, so we got to complain and talk about babies together, which was SUPER useful for me. If I had a weird symptom, I was just able to ask Kelly who would usually say, "Oh, yeah, that happens all the time!"

The other big thing that happened was Jordan got an interview with a company in Boston, about an hour away from Kelly and Braden. We drove up there and stayed the night for that. The interview went super well, although we still haven't heard back yet. Think good thoughts for us! Boston would be a great place to live.

We drove down to DC to spend some time with Kelly, her girls, Kaitlyn and Jordan's mom. The drive was way interesting, driving through NYC and Baltimore and such. I was utterly TERRIFIED! It was so scary to drive through NYC! Jordan laughed at me the whole time because I found myself clutching my seat belt in anxiety.

The two days in DC were fun, although I was limited in stuff to do because of the pregnancy. The second day we went to the Smithsonian, and on the way we saw the capitol and the Washington Monument from a far, so I feel that I got my "DC sightseeing" in. The Smithsonian was SUPER cool, although by the end I'm pretty sure I was having some contractions and I was totally exhausted. We ate at some really excellent restaurants in DC as well, and overall we had a great time.

Traveling back to Utah, we stopped in Bloomington to visit Mike and Anna for a couple of days. I really enjoyed seeing the Bloomington Library and going to their ward with them (also, Anna makes AMAZING cookies!). We played some games and got lots of chances to talk. We stayed an extra day hoping to hear from some companies about an interview in Michigan, possibly, but no luck. We drove the last two days back to Provo!

Our trip lasted about 3 1/2 weeks! Really, I am so grateful we went, because I would have been so bored just sitting in Provo. Instead, I got out and saw family, Jordan and I were able to feel like we made progress in the job search, and now we're just weeks away from the baby being born! We had so much fun seeing everyone. It was a great way to use our last big of freedom after school, but before work and a baby keep us tied down again.

We love you, Grandpa Hull!

Back in July we spent a couple of days up in Roy when Grandpa Hull died. He was 94 years old, and Jordan and I had been visiting him on a pretty regular basis, about once a semester. Every time we would go, he would make some funny joke about this being the last time we saw him. For instance, "I don't buy green bananas anymore..." One of our personal favorite conversations goes like this:

Jordan's Dad: "So! You turned 94! How doe it feel?"
Grandpa Hull: "Well, I wouldn't want to do it again..."

Ultimately, this was a great man of faith who loved his family and longed to be with his deceased wife. It's hard to be super sad at a funeral under these conditions. It was so lovely to reminisce on his life, and to know it was truly a good one.

Jordan had a ton of family come in for the funeral: Dad and Courtney from AK, Megan and her two oldest girls from Missouri, and Mandy and Casey and their family drove from Missouri. We all stayed with Aunt Kay in Roy for the couple of days leading up to the funeral. We had a great time! We got to go through Dad's memory lane and see all the places he went to school and played football, etc. The Sunday afterward, we enjoyed a fantastic dinner at Aunt Kit's where I got to meet more of Jordan's Thompson side of the family. Mandy and Casey stayed until the next Friday, so just played and played and played.

For me, this has been a great summer filled with lots of family, which I am grateful for. Heavenly Father is really looking out for me. If no one was coming to visit and such, I would just be a fat pregnant lady stuck in my apartment watching House... but instead, I've had the great opprotunity to spend a lot of time with the people I love!

Wilson Familiy Reunion

Yesterday Jordan and I made an appearance at my maternal grandma's family reunion. Growing up in Alaska, I hardly ever went to any family reunions, although I attended this one about 10 years ago when I was 14. It was so fun! I'm so lucky to be related to such great, faithful people. Jordan and I had a lot of fun looking at my family tree and trying to see if we're distantly related (I know that seems weird, but it seems like it would be weird if we WEREN'T related in some distant way. Both families are old Mormon pioneer families who settled in the Ogden area...).

There's a lot of people who I had heard of, who I may have met once or twice, that I'd seen pictures of that I got to talk to, which I really enjoyed. One of my favorite moments was when my Grandma and her sisters were talking about their father, who died when my Grandma was just 6 years old. They were all very young when their father passed away, but their memories were precious and sweet, and reminded me how I feel and remember my own late father. They talked about how even though they were very small (7 years and younger), they remembered him playing with them, and killing snakes to protect them when they were outside. It was these simple memories that they clung to and remembered how much their father loved them, even though he left this world when they were so young. Mostly, I was just struck about what an effect a man could have on their lives to be remembered so many years later.

I found myself contemplating Fatherhood. Who would my own father, who died 12 years ago, be to my child? I hope I can describe the incalculable love I felt from him, and how both his life and his death shaped my life. I also hope that I can express how sometimes really hard, inexplicable things happen, but you can be happy. As I grew up, Heavenly Father sent other men into my life who helped me and loved me, even though my own father couldn't be there. I guess more than anything I want to be able to express to my children that I don't feel I was handicapped by his absence, but ultimately I am happier because of it. And that Heavenly Father will always take care of us and fulfill our needs when we have faith.

Jordan is such a good father, already. I know we aren't yet holding our baby in our arms, but I am continually impressed with his commitment to our livelihood and safety. I can sense his excitement, and that brings me such joy. I am lucky that he married me, and that we can have such a beautiful life together. And I can't wait to meet this little baby!

Life is Happy

Lately I've been thinking a lot about how happy I am. How happy Jordan and I are. We feel like we're in such a good place. We're getting close to our two year anniversary, and things just feel... in place, I guess. What's most surprising is there are so many things going wrong right now! I mean, no job, we're still in Provo, baby on the way and we don't know where we're going to have it, we're living month by month not sure what will happen the next month, we are currently separated by the great country of Canada, etc. Yet despite all the unknowns, we feel monumentally blessed and happy.

I'm currently in Fairbanks for a couple of weeks while Jordan hangs around Utah. I waited apprehensively for this seperation, this is the longest we've been apart since he got home from his mission over two years ago. Yet I have felt great comfort and stability and love from all directions, and I feel confident we'll do just fine.

The job situation isn't necessarily better than any other time. He's in talks with two companies, although both are taking their time in getting a hold of us and such. Yet... even the fact that he is talking to companies and that interviews are happening makes everything ok.

And we're so excited about this new little baby coming to us. We're as ready as anyone could ever be (which is that you're never really ready for a baby), and we feel confident that this is the path that was meant for us. We feel so blessed that Heavenly Father has given us this beautiful gift. I know that this baby will change our lives dramatically, and that we'll never be the same. It will be hard, but it will also be wonderful.

So that gets me thinking of the joy we can feel in our trials. That even when everything seems to go wrong, in our hearts we can still find joy in something that is more eternal and everlasting than our worries. Those things are important, of course, but at the same time being happy is not dependent on what happens around us, it's what is going on within us. I'm so grateful for that assurance and the peace I feel. And I'm so grateful for a wonderful husband that reminds me of this all the time.

Still problems in graduating

So, I know I've said this for a month, I really am almost done with my Masters.

I just have one thing to say about it: Right now, there's ONE PARAGRAPH preventing me from graduating. That's right, one paragraph. I've revised it twice for one professor on my committee, who still disagrees with me on some analysis (don't worry, I'm totally right).

In my 26 page paper, 1 paragraph is preventing my graduating. I just had to get that on record for posterity.

Family Reunion in Missouri

What kept me going through all my classes, exams, and recitals was knowing that soon I would be lounging around lazily with family in wonderful Missouri. So... Missouri is kinda hot, which isn't my thing, but what IS my thing is tons of people to talk to, games to play, dinners to make and a good book to read. I enjoyed all of this and more for two weeks at Megan and Ben's!

We took our third drive there in our less than two years of marriage (what can I say, we love these people!). It's a good 18 hour drive, so we broke it up into two days. The worst part of the drive was the fact that I had horrible pain in my lower ribs/side area. I had exercised a few days before, and I think I did something to my back when I tried to do a really slow job... (I have this bad habit of forgetting there are things I PROBABLY shouldn't do pregnant...). So whenever I would breath deeply/yawn, it was pretty painful. By the time we got to the hotel the first night, I was in pretty major pain where I couldn't get comfortable and it was painful to just turn around in my bed. The pain went away by itself after a few days, so no worries, the baby and I are just fine!

Road trips with Jordan are the best. They really are just never boring. We can talk, and listen to music and overall just have a grand time.

The reunion itself was so great. There were a ton of kids (22, I think?), a bunch of adults, and lots of space. It was so nice getting to talk to all my in-laws, I really just lucked out in the family part when I married Jordan. We spent a fair amount of time talking about babies and different views and thoughts on childbirth and having an infant, which was so helpful. I have a great support system when I have this baby. We also guessed at what gender our baby will be... I was really tempted to take the ultrasound video with me to see if Ben could tell us what we were having (Ben's a doctor), but I was strong and just left it in Provo so I wouldn't be tempted.

When we weren't playing games or talking, I was usually reading a new book called the Hunger Games. AWESOME. I really liked reading it and then going and discussing my thoughts with Kelly. I can't wait for the next book (due in August). I highly recommend it.

The trip home was fun with no problems. We went through Colorado, which is so beautiful! It was really hard to leave Missouri, though. I kept telling people I was too pregnant to say goodbye, because I would just cry at night missing everyone. The good news is that I have high hopes that we'll see everyone before the reunion next year, and we hope move close to SOME family somewhere (I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for Connecticut, Kelly!). I like them all too much just see them once a year!

Big Accomplishments!

Jordan's graduated! I'm almost graduated! Jordan took the third actuarial exam today! I didn't cry through my last oral exam!

Yes, we've been quite busy trying to tie up loose ends with school. First up was my graduate recital, which I am very happy to announce is OVER! And I passed! I had a lot of really difficult, high powered music. I was happy with the first half of my performance, but I was quite fatigued by the 2nd half, so it didn't go as well as I hoped. There's always those things that you wish you could back and do differently... but it's finished and I can move on! I'm looking forward to singing with the Fairbanks Opera this summer. I think it'll be a great way to get out and try out my professional chops, and I certainly it leads to more opportunities in the future.

This last Tuesday was my last oral exam, which I manged not to cry through! It went... ok. Well, I made the mistake and totally forgot that I was allowed to ask my committee members what to study ahead of time, so there were some tense moments trying to define "Behaviorism" and "Constructivism" and remember what the bell curve for my supervised teaching meant. My committee was very understanding, and pleased with my responses that I eventually squeezed out of my memory. I walked away with a pass... as long as I corrected a couple of issues in my paper. I should be totally done by Friday!

Today Jordan took the MLC Actuarial Exam! On all sides, we've heard this is the toughest actuarial exam there is. He had some very tense moments yesterday when he was feeling a lot of anxiety and frustration, but we were able to call the home-teachers for a priesthood blessing. We both felt much better after that, and Jordan feels calm about the exam. The bad news is that we probably won't hear the results for another 8-10 weeks. LAME.

So the next few days are all about preparing to leave for Missouri! I'm SO excited to get out of Provo for a bit! I love spending time with the family, and I plan on spending the whole time sleeping, reading and talking to my sisters-in-law. Who can ask for a better vacation? Plus, road-trips with Jordan are ALWAYS tons of fun. They really do go by so quickly, it's kinda weird how easily we pass the time together.

Still no job news, but we remain vigilant and hopeful. For sure getting out of Provo a bit I think will renew our spirits. We're in a really awkward phrase where Jordan doesn't have quite enough work, but has got some, and we've very hesitant to leave Provo and the help of Dr. Tolley. It's a strange balancing act in trying to figure out when we cut our loses and run back to Alaska, and when to just stick it out and stay here for another month. Basically, any month from now we could scamper back to Alaska. I know for myself, it's really frustrating not knowing what's going to happen next month! But it's a great faith-building experience at the same time. We really have to rely on the spirit to figure out our best choices.

Anywho, we're ready to get out of Provo for a bit! Missouri, ho!

Ultrasound today!

We just got a DVD, no still pictures, so I don't really have anything to post, but it was still really cool! Sometimes I forget that there's a baby in there, so it was nice to be reassured of that fact. We're waiting to see if it's a boy or girl, so the Dr. didn't tell us (although he knows!), but we did see him/her move the little arms and wiggle around a bit. I still haven't felt the baby move... or nothing that I've been able to feel consistently, so it was really awesome to see that. The baby is measuring a bit big, so instead of being 18 week, it looks like I'm really close to 20 weeks. It wasn't enough that the Dr. felt like he wanted to change my due date (there could still be some error), but definitely a big baby! YAY!

Life can be scary sometimes

So, conference came at a good time for us, for we certainly are facing a big darkness in our lives that seems... not hopeless, but frustrating. To our credit, I think we're taking it quite well!

As the post says, life can be a bit frightening sometimes. We got a no from the Salt Lake job, and we're back to throwing out applications in hopes someone pays attention. The good news is that we have some potentional leads, and its hardly hopeless. And like I said, we really feel like we're taking things in stride! We hope to stay in Provo for as long as Jordan's current job allows, keeping our spirits up by planning all the fun things we can do without a job commitment (and limited funds). Since I'm expecting, we've decided against Disneyland, but maybe a trip to Yellowstone is in order? I think so.

Jordan graduated this week (yay Jordan!!!), and we enjoyed a visit from his Dad. It was tons of fun! My favorite was Friday when we went to How to Train a Dragon and then dinner at Macaroni Grill (A+ for both things). I'm so proud of Jordan for all he's done and how hard he's worked. And continues to work for our family!

I've got a couple more weeks left. Saturday is my grad recital (I've been having bad dreams... I hope it's done soon!), and then all I have left is my final oral exam... which... I'm not totally sure what's on that... *cough* I hope to find out soon...? We'll see.

Last week I took my first oral exam, the Repertoire Exam. This proved to be a very... interesting experience. See, I wasn't totally sure what to expect. I've never taken an oral exam, and I hadn't taken a repertoire class, so I was really nervous about what I would be expected to know. That was compounded with the fact that one of the test givers is a professor that I've been having trouble with. The morning of my exam, I made the mistake of reading how he didn't pass my big paper and all the things wrong with it, and I started to freak myself out.

About 45 minutes before my exam, I just started weeping. I was so tired (couldn't sleep because I was nervous about the exam), still quite morning sick, nervous about facing this specific professor (he just told me my paper was bad!), and so scared that I just couldn't stop crying. I drove to school crying in the car. I managed to pull it together enough to get a jamba juice (good for the morning sickness) and continue studying outside the exam room. When the professors walked up, I lost it again. I went into the bathroom still weeping... and I just couldn't stop! My teacher was pretty concerned, and eventually I realized I just had to do it or else I was going to sit in that bathroom for the whole 2 hours of the exam. I managed to calm myself enough to walk in the room, only to lose it again during the opening prayer. At this point, both professors were really questioning my sanity. I'm sure they were rolling their eyes thinking, "Crazy pregnant lady..." We decided if I started sobbing beyond the point of speech we would call a recess and try again later. Finally I heard the first question, a ton of ideas flooded into my head, and as I was answering the question (which, no joke, took an hour and fifteen minutes to answer just the first question) I stopped crying and everything was fine.

But YEESH! This was supposed to be a pretty profession exam... like, I was dressed up and my hair was done (thankfully I was smart enough not to wear makeup... THAT would have been so so pathetic). An oral exam for my masters degree! And I couldn't stop crying! Anyway, the best news is that despite my tears (or possibly because... I don't think so, but who would want to deal with me again?) I PASSED! I mean, students usually pass... but with reservations (like they have to do something in addition to prove their knowledge of a topic). I just passed! WOOHOO!

The other funny thing that happened to me about a week and half ago was I fell in the parking lot of the HFAC, hurting my foot enough that I needed x-rays. I was fine, but for a couple days I was on crutches. But really, what's more pathetic than a pregnant lady on crutches? Jordan joked that if I had car troubles, every car on the road would pull over to help me... there's just nothing quite as sad as that.

Anywho, life is still complicated and requires so much work, but we're happy and working hard and ready for the next phase of life!

Pregnancy is funny...

I have looked forward to pregnancy my whole life, because I was quite curious as to how it would affect me. I've watched many people be pregnant, and it seems there's always a couple of really funny little quirks that come out. I won't lie, I was hoping to be pregnant like my mom: hardly ever nauseous, generally happier and more relaxed, and always glowing. My mom was a lovely glowing pregnant lady (I swear pregnancy has had an subtraction effect on her aging process: as she gets older, she starts looking younger...).

Sadly, no such luck for me.

My morning sickness kicked in a little later than usual, but kick in it did! Woo! I was NOT expecting that. Um, so here's a "short" list of things I've found to be very strange about me being pregnant...

1. I know I used to like food. I know I did. I loved food! I have 50 pounds of extra weight to prove that I liked food! But, alas, the joy is now lost on me. I look at bowl of ice cream, and all I feel is nausea. That pizza: man, I remember it tasting good, I really do... but yuck! The best example of this was my birthday. I'm super picky about my cakes, and I really wanted a "Sam's Club" cake. It was beautiful! Lovely mint green, perfect amount of frosting... yeah, I ate half a piece. Then that cake sat in our fridge for THREE WEEKS. I didn't touch a single bit of it. That's not will-power, people, that's revulsion. It was so sad...

2. I have "food fantasies." I rarely get really strong cravings, but when I do, it's like a commercial playing in my head. The first one was tater-tots. I thought about those tater-tots... obsessed about their salty goodness, imagined myself biting into the crispy outer layer, and enjoying the warm toasty inside... after a couple of days, I finally gave in. And I haven't eaten tater-tots since then. It wasn't a bad experience, I just now gag at the thought of them. So far, this has happened with Chilis chips and salsa, laffy-taffy, hostess fruit pies, turkey dinner, and plain white rice.

3. I have the most powerful gag reflex EVER. If you think just swallowing pills is bad, I can hardly brush my teeth!

4. Surprising benefit: I have been far too queasy to do the dishes! Jordan's a total stud about it too... the last two months he's been pretty much the only one doing them. I tried a couple of days ago, and, well, lets just say it ended badly. Something about little bits of food floating in a sink... *shudder*

5. Fun Fact! When you vomit really violently, you break capillaries in your face! I've had this happen at least twice so far! Good times! (*please note sarcasm*)

6. The best part of pregnancy is all the sleep! I LOVE SLEEP! And now I can do it as much as I want! Last month, Jordan finally gave in and said, "Amanda, I'm going to offically stop bugging you about how much you sleep. Sleep whenever you want."* Oh, man, am I taking this to town! I sleep about 10 hours at night, plus if I can work it in, a nap at 2 or 3 in the afternoon.
*Side note: Since we've been married, Jordan's been very concerned about my sleeping habits. No, I don't stay up till 2am or anything, I just sleep. A lot. His favorite line is: "Too much sleep is just as bad as not enough sleep." Psh. Whatev. Sleep's the best.

7. I tend to have actual morning morning sickness. For sure, in the mornings it's the worst for me. Trying to get food in my tummy after it's empty is so not fun.

I can't say pregnancy has been kind to me... I also can't say I've enjoyed it much so far. For the first little bit I was concerned, because I wasn't even sure if there was a baby in there! Maybe I was so sick for nothing! But after last week, when we heard the heartbeat, I've felt very assured that even though everyday I'm spewing my guts out, I'm going to get a cute little baby out of it in the end... :)

Updating...

I am totally going to give myself credit here and say: "Heck yes, I kept my pregnancy off the internet for over two months! GO ME!" I am not secrative in nature. And frankly, overall I pretty much failed at keeping my pregnancy a secret, period. But I did keep it off the internet, and for that I am so darn proud of myself! GO ME! Let me tell you, it was HARD. I wanted to complain how sick I was SO BADLY! I wanted to whine and document every weird food craving and keep everyone update on my minute to minute emotional roller-coaster. Of course, many of you out there are saying, "Oh man, thank goodness Amanda kept it a secret! We didn't want to hear any of that anyway..." which is so true. But here I am, and no worries, friends, you will soon know how much I have deplored these first few months of pregnancy... ;^)

Oh, and BTW, someone has already asked me, this is not an April Fools joke! Honestly, I've been dying to tell for weeks, and just yesterday happened to be the day we heard the heartbeats, and I was away from a computer most of the day, so yes, most of you are hearing on April 1st. I have over two months of morning sickness to prove my not-joking position.

Anyway, I've been super lame about posting Hull goings-on because, honestly, I've been waiting for some good news. That sounds so sad... it's really not that sad, March has just been, overall, a disappointing month. Jordan went to Minneapolis and we heard back the next week that Allianz had turned us down. We also got a big fat no from The Hartford (that wasn't fun...), and we were kinda at a loss of what to do next. It's a tough game to play when you're just waiting to hear from people about your application. There's just not a lot you can do.

So we were in a weird place: what do we do for the summer? What if we still don't have a job after the summer? Do we move home? How are we going to pay for stuff? Where are we going to live? What if it's a whole year before we get a job? It's an awkward place. We're both graduating in April, so the relative safety and assurance of school will be gone... we even considered Jordan NOT graduating and... well, what, we're not sure.

The truth is that officially, we're still in that place. The good news is that Jordan's current job now with Dr. Tolley can go through the summer, so I think if we continue to get a limited response on jobs, we'll stay in Provo at least through June. Jordan has some excellent connection and support through Dr. Tolley, who has been so great through this job seeking process! He went through Jordan's resume and fixed things up, gave a really great connection to Allianz, and continues to tell Jordan that it's just a tough economy, that he is a good actuary and that a lot of times these companies will hire in the middle of summer.

The great news right now is that we HAVE heard back from someone else! Tuesday Jordan did an interview with a company, SelectHealth, just over in Salt Lake City! We got a call this morning that they want a face to face interview on Monday, and that they hope to have decisions made by next Thursday. While at first we were adverse to the idea of staying in Utah for another couple of years, it really has grown on us. It would be an excellent opportunity, and so Jordan plans to wow them Monday morning!

Overall, what we've learned through this experience is that there comes a point where there's not a lot you can do, and you really have to rely on Faith. There's a plan, and that plan may not mean it will be easy. We might have a really rough year ahead of us, but that doesn't mean the Lord has forgotten us. :)

Family Comes to Visit

Last week my family (except Rulon *sad*) all came down to visit family and to send Robin off into the MTC. She's headed to Fresno, California for the next year and half, and we were all super excited!

They flew into Boise, ID, and Jordan and I headed up there to meet them and to see Dennis, Beth and their four girls sealed in the temple. It was a really awesome experience for us! For one, Jordan hasn't met much of my dad's side of the family. Also, I had never seen a sealing between two parents and so many children, and it was a really special experience for everyone who attended.

That night we headed back to Provo. To get Robin ready for her mission, my mom, sisters and brother all came to stay with us in Provo on Monday. It was SOOOO nice to see them! Since I got married, Jordan and I haven't stayed the night with my family at my house because Jordan's so allergic to our cats, so it was actually really awesome that I was able to spend fairy uninterrupted time with my mom and the babies! The first night was rough, both the kids were sick with ear infections and my mom didn't get any sleep. But we got the hang of things the next two nights.

My mom was so great to have around! She helped with the laundry, groceries and making dinner! I haven't been feeling well, so she was super helpful in making sure I ate enough and got enough rest. Liam was taking his first steps here in Utah, and it was fun to see him try and try again to get walking. We don't have a lot of toys around our apartment, so I cleaned out the bottom shelf of my hallway cupboard and the two kids could crawl in there and play and stack cans (that's all we had...).

Robin entered the MTC on Wednesday, and poor girl was so nervous that she couldn't eat her pizza at the brick over. For our part, Jordan and I kept getting flashbacks to HIM going into the MTC, so we felt a little on edge too! (Me: I had a nightmare that Jordan was going to go on ANOTHER mission after he graduated... while we were married. I'm pretty sure I protested that idea, Jordan: "Ok, ok, I don't have to go into the MTC. I'm not going back to the MTC. Robin's going into the MTC, not me!").

After staying Wednesday night, my family left me Thursday and I cried and cried and cried! I was so sad to see them go! But I really did have a great time. As Jordan and I are planning for our next stage of life, we won't be coming home for three months at a time anymore! We're really starting to separate ourselves and become our own family! It's difficult and scary, but exciting at the same time. I hope our children grow up wanting to come back and spend time with us as much as Jordan and I love to go home and spend time with our parents.

So... Minneapolis, huh?

Minneapolis has been word around our house. After spending the last two months filling out applications and no one contacting us, Jordan's employer finally hooked us up! Jordan does some actuarial work for a professor here at BYU, and he meets with him regularly. One day Jordan goes in, and Dr. Tolley explains that a VP from the insurance company Allianz will be comign to BYU to give an info session, and that he wanted to a list of a couple really great students to give a short interview to afterwards. Dr. Tolley picked two students, one of them being Jordan!

So last Thursday after the info session this guy pulls Jordan aside and gives him a short, informal interview and then explains that he'll forward Jordan's resume on to HR who will interview him, and if that goes well they'll fly him into Minneapolis for further interviewing and to get a feel for the company! Basically, the VP said that he would make sure that Jordan's resume gets pushed along. The NEXT DAY we got an email from HR at Allianz who scheduled an interview for a week later.

Well, yesterday was his HR interview and it certainly went well enough that Jordan's been scheduled for two more phone interviews NEXT Thursday with various team leaders. We both thought he'd be flown to Minneapolis at this point, but hey, we're definatey not complaining! Two more interviews! This is a such a great opprotunity for Jordan, and for our family.

We're pretty sad about not hearing anything from Hartford yet. We were so looking forward to living near Kelly and Braden. However, since hearing about Minneapolis things have just felt right. It really does sound like a great place for us. We were really worried that we'd be sent somewhere unbearably hot, and there isn't a place much colder than Minnesoda (excluding Alaska, of course). They have a moderately sized opera company, which would be great for me to explore. Jordan really seems to like the company and the work looks interesting to him.

Of course, nothing is for sure yet. We're still in the interview process, and it might actually be pretty early to hear from the other companies we've put applications into. If nothing else, I think it's exciting and important that Jordan goes through this process.

So cross you fingers, we hope that in the next month we'll have more good news about jobs!!!

Busy Busy Busy

Well, our semester is over a quarter finished, and we're just plugging away at our last semester of school. I'm getting a serious case of "Senioritis," even though I don't think you technically call me a "Senior..." I just can't wait to be done! Frankly, if I can help it, I am never going back to school and I'm officially done with this madness.

Ok, that's a lie. I suppose someday (not soon) I will return to school once more for my doctorate... IF it's financially feasible and I can do it very slowly. But for the next five years, I'm definitely oh-so-done with school.

On the other hand, I'm not sure if Jordan's fully realized this is his last semester. He is quite happy and content in his classes; the truth is I'm not sure if he's ready to part with BYU quite yet. He loves this school so much. I've appreciated feeding off his enthusiasm for the last few years. Who knew school spirit could be so much fun?

Next weekend we're headed to Boise where my uncle Dennis and his wife Beth and their four girls (Anna, Megan, Emma and Evelyn) will be sealed in the Boise temple! I'm so happy for them, and I'm excited that I can witness something so special. The same day, my mom, Robin, Melanie, Elyse and baby Liam are flying down to take Robin into the MTC! So that weekend we'll hang out with them, and then they're headed to Provo with us before Robin goes in on Wednesday. So excited! I love it when my family visits. Seeing Elyse and Liam is such a treat for me, they're always so different after just 4 months apart. I can't believe how fast they're growing up!

Other than that, the job search continues. No interviews yet. Maybe soon? I hope so. That being said, I don't feel any major anxiety yet. I hope Jordan gets a job, but if the job market is just too tough, we'll manage. In a situation like this, where we've done everything we can and explored all of our options (and we're continuing to explore them all), we just need to put our faith in the Lord. This doesn't mean that a job will magically fall into our laps, or that we should relax our efforts, or that we will for sure get a job. It does mean that we have faith that whether or not Jordan finds one, Heavenly Father has our best interest at heart. He knows what lies ahead of us, even if we don't.

Big News!

Back in May 2009, on a whim I auditioned for Opera Fairbanks. It's a very young opera company, which means lots of opprotunities for pre-professional singers like myself. I wasn't sure what would happen, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to at least audition.

They wanted me to do a callback for a specific role: Donna Anna in Mozart's Don Giovanni. I was SO excited! It was a great roll for me, and it would be an excellent opprotunity. However, I never quite made it to callbacks. The first time, I came down with the flu (I was so disappointed!), and the second time the conductor I was auditioning for hit his head during Tosca and couldn't hear my audition. So I never managed to do my callback before heading back to Alaska.

I still had some hope as I returned to school, however, but soon it was November and I still hadn't heard from them, so I assumed I wasn't being considered.

Well, yesterday I recieved an email, and as it turns out they've hired out the roles of Donna Anna, Don Giovanni and Leperello to Metropolitan Opera singers. However, they've asked me to cover (be the backup) for the role of Donna Anna! This means I will attend all the rehersals and learn the roll, get paid (cha-ching!), and if something should happen to the Met singer, I would perform in her place. The best part is that Alexandra Deshirties (the woman playing Donna Anna) is going to be 5 days late to rehersals, so I get to rehersal with these Met singers during that time!

I know this may seem like not such a big deal: I am not garunteed a chance to perform, but the opprotunity to work with these world class singers and learn from them is such an awesome opprotunity. My goal is to go into this as prepared as possible and to work really hard, and if I do well I will hopefully get hired in the future to be actual lead roles. I'm STOKED!

So I have to be in Fairbanks by June 19th which will be interesting... I'm waiting to hear when the actual performance will be, but I'm almost positive it will be sometime in June. For now, it means I have a TON of music to learn. My graduate recital is in early May, and then I'll have to get this role memorized, and then off to rehersals!

My Christmas Pearls

So, one of the traditions Jordan's started last was to create a scavenger hunt in order for me to find my presents! This is such a great tradition for two reasons: #1- I love games and #2- I'm fairly certain Jordan gets a kick of me running around the house, back and forth, trying to figure out his clues.



Anyway, this year we were at his parents house for Christmas, and I got my first clue: a jacket. It took me forever to figure out, but my scavenger hunt wasn't at this house: we had to go out to Metro to get them! Metro is an apartment above a shop where Jordan and I first lived right after we got married (we were there for a month). So, at 9am on Christmas morning, we got into the car and drove to the unheated metro for our tradition!



Jordan had such cute clues! He used funny stories from our first month of marriage to get me running around the apartment. For instance, once when Jordan was home alone, he thought he heard a noise, so he went looking around the apartment. In one of the bathrooms he thought he saw someone, but it just turned out to be his reflection in the mirror. I had to figure out which mirror it was in order to get the next clue.


Beyond that, Jordan totally spoils me and got me a beautiful set of pearls for Christmas (he hid the earring and braclet under the bed, and the necklace in a closet). They're perfect for my recital I have to do this year, and so far I've already worn them to a singing competition earlier in January.


Jordan so great at making each Christmas special. Even if I didn't get such grand gifts, the whole scavenger hunt is so sweet. If I was just going around finding candy I would be so happy. Thank you Jordan!

Haystack Mountain

On Tuesday during our Christmas trip to Alaska, we decided to go sledding down Haystack Mountain. Now, this is no pansy sledding trip: this about a mile trail down a mountain, through the woods. The car drops you off at the top, and then meets you at the bottom to take you up again. It's AWESOME. And even though it was like -15 in town, it's up in the mountains so it was a balmy 15 degrees above zero.

Sadly, I am really, really bad at it. Ok. Let me give you an example. My first run down, everyone passed me. I could sled for about 100 feet before I inevitably biffed it. My problem was that the trail would turn, and for the life of me I couldn't figure out how to turn in the direction I wanted to go, so either I would run into a snow bank or I would bail out when it looked like I might hit a tree. Anyway, so I'm trying to get down the stupid mountain, when suddenly I see people... climbing toward me... it's Tyler and Orin, who apparently had time to go down to the bottom, get people worried enough that they sent someone to start climbing back up the mountain looking for me... to make sure I hadn't been trampled by a moose or eaten by a wolf, I suppose.... by the time I got to the bottom, I stumbled out of the woods and there was Jordan, who started laughing at the fact that I'm utterly covered in tons of packed on snow, and he asks me, "Wait, is that bark on your nose? How did you get bark on your nose? Did you run into a tree?" No, I didn't run into a tree! That's why it took me so long, because I was trying to not run into trees!

So, on the next run, we all decided that for every one time I make it down the hill, everyone else would go down two times. This turned out to be hauntingly true. I would be trying to get down the hill (I did get faster every time, in my defence), and Jordan and his brothers would pass me. Twice.

On the last run, I finally managed to get down before the guys made it down twice. VICTORY FOR AMANDA!

It really was a lot of fun. Painful, cold, but fun.

The Tom-Tom Knows!

While using our new Tom-Tom, we couldn't help but think of this video. "The Tom-Tom Knows!"

WE LOVE IT. It's amazing. As we flew into Idaho Falls and then had to drive to Provo, we used it the whole way. Ok, ok, of course all you have to do between Idaho Falls and Provo is stay on I-15... the whole way... but nonetheless, we did some practice runs where we made up side-trips to Missouri, planned our trip moving to Hartford with a side trip to Missouri and Indiana, found out how long it would take us to driving to Fairbanks (first we had to make a U-turn), and finally I followed its directions faithfully from Kaitlyn's dorm to our apartment, just to see which direction it told us to go (we were very impressed when it suggested we go by the Smith Field house). And, apparently, the Tom-Tom knows a faster way to get from I-15 to Center Street... weird. But awesome.

But, seriously, when we were hungry and I decided I wanted Wendy's, you could go and look up the closest Wendy's. The speaking voice is mildly annoying, but you can turn that off. And now Jordan has something new to play with in the car. What an great Christmas present!