Day Twenty: This Month

So, this last month has been spent trying to figure out my life here in Arizona. Jordan's no longer home with me, it's just Clara and I. Which usually isn't bad at all. She's a good, easy baby. I spend some time playing with her, and then let her play with her toys and figure out how to crawl while I try to get some cleaning done.

Really, the last month has just been dealing with loneliness. I think this is something every new mom goes through, usually just earlier than I did. But now, I'm home alone in a new city and I'm just trying to figure out what to do with my time! It's not that I don't have stuff to do, but a lot of this last month has been finding ways to structure my days so I'm not going crazy.

For the most part, I feel like I'm starting to get my daily rhythm. My house is relatively neat, I keep up on the dishes, do those weekly cleaning things that need to get done. I've managed not to spend my days eating bon-bons and watching soaps (by "bon-bons" I mean anything chocolate and by "soaps" I mean Netflix). Clara's on a flexible schedule, and I try to get out every now and then. Going for walks is going to get more difficult into the summer, though...

But really, my biggest struggle has been to make friends. I like socializing. I really do. But how do you actually make friends when you're a mostly home-bound mom? Usually I meet peoplethrough church, but our ward is different. Clara's the youngest baby there (for now), and there are very few small children. So no mother's groups and very few other women in my situation. I did find out that my downstairs neighbor also has a baby... but I have to be brave enough to go introduce myself. This whole friends thing used to happen naturally: I went to class, met people, we ended up doing more and more together and ta-da! I have friends.

So, the trick is I have to go find somewhere to socialize. There's no playgrounds close (and Clara really is too small). I'm working on the whole church thing. Even though there aren't women who are in my exact situations doesn't mean I can't make friends. So there's some hope there. Really, the truth is that it's just going to take time. Until then? Maybe I'll just have to be a little lonely. And I think I'm ok with that.