Parenting Books

I enjoy talking and reading about parenting topics.  Partly because I felt totally clueless going into being a parent with Clara, and so I turned to books for support.  Anyway, I have a couple of books that I have REALLY enjoyed reading and I feel that have really helped me so far, so I thought I'd share.


Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth  (Best for help with ages 0-5)

This is my baby sleep bible.  The reason I like this book more than any other sleep book I've read is because it isn't necessarily about methodology (such as crying-it-out vs. co-sleeping, although he DOES have some tips on that... for the record he supports both, whatever works for your familiy), but it's more about research surrounding children and sleep.  The most useful thing I gained from this book was to understand what healthy sleep looked like for various ages, and then offered some tips on how to help them reach that point.  But in general, I could decide what I felt comfortable with in terms of actually implementing a sleep schedule.  For instance, I really didn't feel comfortable letting Clara cry-it-out before she was 6 months old, and even then I didn't let her cry-it-out through the night until she was almost a year old.  But I knew what healthy sleep was supposed to look like, so I used other methods to help her get as much asleep as she needed.  I still go back and refer to this book when I have questions about Clara dropping naps or waking up earlier than normal.



Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Neil Karp (Best for help for ages 0-4 months)

I used this book in conjunction with Healthy Sleep Habits to learn how to deal with newborns.  I was terrified of Clara having colic.  This book made me feel like I at least had some tools at my disposal if I did find myself with a colicy baby.  Thankfully, Clara did NOT have colic, but I still found his tips and information to be extremely useful when dealing with little newborns, and now I can't help but look at a newborn and think, "aw, that baby is still kinda a  fetus!"  Besides being useful, I like how Dr. Karp writes.  He is positive and hopeful, and just humorous enough.



Baby-Proofing Your Marriage by Stacie Cockrell, Cathy O'Neill and Julia Stone (Best for Parents!)

Ok, these ladies aren't really doctors, but they did their research and I agreed with their perspective on marriage, and frankly I just found this book dead useful.  I particularly enjoyed the chapters on "What Wives Need" and "What Husbands Need."  I found it very illuminating, and it changed the way I approached my marriage after Clara was born.  I didn't follow all of their advise, such as suggesting mothers go on a short weekend away while leaving the baby with dad, mostly because I never really felt the need and preparing to go on vacation seemed like more work than I wanted to do, but having a good perspective on your marriage even after the baby is born is so helpful and so needed.



Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay/Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood: Practical Parenting from Birth to Six Years by Jim Fay and Charles Fay (best for ages 1-18)

So I haven't actually read the original Parenting with Love and Logic, my mother-in-law sent me the toddler book, but I love love love LOVE the parenting principles taught in these books.  I actually was able to attend a free seminar last summer, and it was so good.  The basic idea is to allow natural consequences to teach your child (instead of you constantly bailing them out of consequences), expressing real sympathy when they have to deal with those bad consequences, and allowing kids to have as many choices as possible.  I've been trying to implement the love and logic dialogue into my life, since my first instinct is to always yell and nag (which is NOT parenting with love and logic).  For instance, when Clara throws a tantrum, I say, "Babies who throw tantrums have to go to their room for 3 minutes." I don't offer any warnings, that is just the consequence of throwing a tantrum.  When Clara begins to whine at me, I say, "I can't hear children who whine."  (All of this within reason, of course, as long as her basic needs are met and this isn't just about a communication problem, which because Clara is still learning to talk, we're working through).  I try to give her as much freedom to make her own choices as possible, even if that means she might hurt herself a little (not a lot).  When she does fall off of a chair, I show genuine empathy that she got hurt (again, when we're not looking at a life threatening problem or a major injury).  She is smart enough (and I know she's smart enough) not to make the same mistake again.  I have allowed the natural consequences to teach her the lesson, instead of spending all my time trying to get her to not climb on the chair.  I really do love this book a thousand times over, I'm going to re-read it over the next few weeks, and I suggest everyone give it a try.  It's possible it's not for every family, but I really can not over emphasize how much this book has helped direct my parenting.



ScreamFree Parenting by Hal Edward Runkel (best for ages 1-18)

This is a recent one for me.  While I was in Alaska, my mom and I attended a 4 day, 2 1/2 hour a day seminar about this parenting method, and I'm about half way through the book (the seminar was extensive enough that I feel comfortable reviewing the book).  This is a great companion to Parenting with Love and Logic because they teach the same discipline principles, but ScreamFree Parenting is about focusing on ourselves as parents rather than on the kids.  It says that we as adults need to grow up and be mature in order to effectively be the parent our kids need.  My favorite thing it teaches is when we "scream" at our kids (or shut-down, or nag, or any sort of emotional re-activity) we're telling our kids, "I need you to behave so I can behave, because I'm incapable of controlling myself."  And what a crazy thing to be telling our kids!  The other thing I really liked about this book was the idea that we're not responsible for our children (meaning we can't control how they actually behave or the choices they make), but we are responsible to our children (providing them with the necessities of life, helping them understand consequences of their choices, etc).  It means that I simply can't control whether or not Clara throws a tantrum on a plane.  That is totally her choice.  But I am responsible to her to make sure she is well-fed, has had plenty of sleep, has enough entertainment, etc.  And ultimately, I am responsible to her that even if she does throw a tantrum (which she did, btw) not to freak out at her and start screaming, but to be the adult, to stay calm, to help her as much as possible, and to provide reasonable consequences for her choices.



Alright, these are my favorite, most helpful books I've read so far in parenting.  I know some people may not be book people, and that's totally ok, but I find that reading parenting books has given me the guidence and confidence as a parent that I wouldn't have had otherwise.  If anyone has any other suggestions, I'm always open to recommendations!