Lucy at 1 month

After yesterday's downer of a post, here's some happier fare.

I'll be honest, I'm crazy lucky.  I made cute, easy babies.  Both Clara and Lucy have been easy infants, although in different ways.  Clara was easily appeased with nursing and she rarely fussed.  But she really struggled to sleep longer than 2 hours at any given time.  Lucy fusses more frequently, is harder to calm down, and is overall MUCH louder than Clara.  But she makes up for it by sleeping... oh, the sleep!  She sleeps for at least 3 hours at a time, often 4, and I've even gotten some 6 hour stints at night.  SO GREAT.  I didn't get that out of Clara until she was 5 months old.

So, Lucy sleeps in longer chunks.  That meas she also doesn't nurse nearly as often, and the space between feedings is getting farther apart everyday.  This is both awesome and unnerving.  I never stop worrying if my kids are getting enough to eat.  But Lucy gives every indication of excellent growth (with some delectably chubby arms and legs... yum!), even if she only eats every 4 hours at 6 weeks.  Really, we've nailed down a routine.  Not quite a regular "schedule" yet, but definitely a routine.  She wakes up, eats, stays awake for about 45 min-1 hour, then we get her to go to sleep (this is when she's at her fussiest), and she sleeps for 2-3 hours.  Extend that time at night.  Really, you can't ask for an easier newborn.

These are pictures from her newborn session with Kailee Judd, a friend from Alaska who did a FANTASTIC job.  I love them!

I like her so much.  We've seen a couple of genuine smiles, but they are pretty rare so far.  She tolerates Clara well enough, and it's so fun to see her grow.  It's happening so so fast!

Feeling depressed... ish?

I'm not totally sure what's going on.  My moods and emotions have been all over the place the last week or so.  I guess it could still be postpartum hormones bouncing around in my body, although it seems a bit "late" to me.  I'll be 6 weeks postpartum on Wednesday, aren't I past the crazy mood swings yet?

One day this week, Clara asked to go for a walk.  What a delightful idea, I thought.  Clara was so excited that she helped me get everything ready, setting up the stroller and she was sitting so quietly when I was getting Lucy ready.  Everything was going great until I tried to put Lucy in the Moby.  Awfulness ensued.  I guess I'm just doing the wrap incorrectly or something, but Lucy is NOT ok with being carried around in the Moby.  We don't have a double stroller, so if Lucy won't deal with the Moby, then we're not going anywhere.  I had to tell a very disappointed Clara to please come back in, and tears ensued for all three of us.  Thankfully, Clara was calmed down with an episode of Blue's Clues and Lucy eventually went to sleep.  Me?  I spent most of the day crying on and off.  Can you say over-reaction?  I just couldn't get over it and spent the rest of the day kinda wallowing.

Today was another rough day.  Again, things were tricky with both kids.  It was hard to enjoy church when it just seemed like at least one kid was always crying.  But the truth is there's a couple of things really hanging over me.  First, I worry I haven't made any really good friends here in Phoenix.  I mean, I have made friends, and I have people that I very much like and enjoy spending time with, but I worry that they don't feel the same about me.  I'm really looking for a friend that can be my "replacement" family here in Phoenix, and I don't think I've found that yet.  And it makes me sad.  The second issue is related to that: we're here for the holidays.  Every year that we've been married, we've always gone to Missouri for at least ONE holiday, and I LOVE it.  And this year, between reunions, marriages and having a baby, Jordan just does not have the time off.

I'm ridiculously broken up over it.  It's so silly, and I feel so frivolous  but it makes me tear up just thinking about being in Phoenix by ourselves for Thanksgiving and Christmas.  If we had good friends here that I felt like we could spend the holidays with, I don't think it would be so sad, but we just don't (yet).  It doesn't help that Jordan isn't the most social fellow, so he's totally happy that it's just us.  I actually think he might be a little offended that I feel the need to have other people around.

But really, the issue to all of these things is they're all OVER-REACTIONS.  Why can't I just put things in perspective and move on?  Why can't I just get over it already?  There are times (lots of times, really) that I feel great.  I feel like my life is on track, I'm making progress, that I'm GOING somewhere.  When people ask how I feel, I always say, "Great!" and I really feel like I mean it.  There are so many great things about my life.  And then there are days I can't stop crying.

I don't think it's anything clinical.  Most likely (even though it seems weird to me) it's post baby hormones messing with my head.  And even beyond that, our family has gone through a major change, and whenever I go through a major life change I get serious emotional whip lash.  I shouldn't even be surprised.

Anyone else emotionally everywhere in the months following having a baby?  Am I crazy and I just don't know it?