The one about the new baby

We're having a baby!  And I am totally, completely stoked about it.  I see new little babies, and my heart gets all a-flutter, and I just want the next few months to fly by.  I'm also willfully ignoring all my memories of the sleep deprivation and hours and hours of nursing that comes with a newborn.  And I'm not even thinking about how to do all of that with a 2 year old on top of it!  Because... well, it's a sweet new little baby!!

And the baby is a girl!  While I would have been overjoyed if we were having a boy, I'm really, really happy for another little girl.  And since I'm sure I can't keep it a secret, the name we're almost certainly going to use (barring any divine intervention) is Lucy.  Clara was actually supposed to be a Lucy, but I vetoed it when I realized I had 3 other friends who were pregnant at the same time who were ALSO having Lucy-s.  This time, there's no wiggling out of it, Jordan is adamant.  Don't worry, I think the name Lucy is darling, I'm just super sensitive to crazy popular names (being 1 of a gazillion Amanda Johnsons).

It's been really fun actually knowing the gender and having a name this time around.  I can vouch that it definitely adds a connection that I didn't really have with Clara during her pregnancy.  Don't get me wrong, it was SO fun waiting to find out the gender with Clara.  I was SURE she was a boy even up until I was pushing and the nurse asked me what I thought I was having.  And when she came out, and was a girl, it was instantaneous for both of us: She was Clara.  (AOn top of that, not knowing the gender prevented me from going out and buying a bunch of girl stuff I couldn't afford because we were unemployed at the time).  But with this baby, I poke at her, call her sweet little Lucy, try to get Clara to call my belly Lucy... it's really fun.  And now that we aren't totally broke, I can buy really cute little girl outfits when I see them!

I'm about 22 weeks, and Lucy is WAY more wiggly that I remember Clara being this early.  And she has a set schedule more than Clara did... every night as I'm going to bed, it's like a bouncy castle in my tummy.  This pregnancy has been milder than it was with Clara (thank goodness!), which I think has to do with the fact that I knew to take my unisom from the moment I felt morning sick.  I still have to take half a pill at night to keep the nausea at bay (I had to take a unisom the whole pregnancy with Clara), and no matter what I do I feel nauseous after eating, but overall it's been much more tolerable this time around.  And I am SO excited to meet her.  I love imagining what she's going to look like, what her personality will be like... sigh, these next months can't go by fast enough!

The one about our house

We love our new home.  We have been very, very lucky.  Jordan got a job right as the housing market hit bottom, we moved to a city that had crazy low house prices, and we pretty much bought our house at EXACTLY the right time.  And by "exactly the right time," I mean that two months after we closed, I got a call from my real estate agent who said that in the time since we've bought our house the market went crazy.  Most properties are selling for $20k-$50k over the asking prices, and if we wanted to sell our home we could easily make $20k.  The house itself is wonderful.  As of right now, it's on the bigger side.  We have a fourth bedroom that we have yet to unpack, simply because we don't need it yet (and I'm too morning sick/pregnant to care).  Of course, we won't ALWAYS say it's too big for us, but it's perfect for our growing family.  We will easily be able to live here for the next 10 years.

The area we moved to is very nice as well.  North Phoenix, just west of the Desert Ridge area.  Would you like the hear one of the craziest things about us buying this house?  When we were looking, Jordan and I spent a lot of time trying to decide WHERE in Phoenix we wanted to live.  Jordan's job and our apartment were 1 mile apart in a very nice area of Scottsdale.  We LOVED living that close to his work.  And we, ideally, would have loved to stay in that area.  However, Scottsdale is very expensive.  A house in our price range (which were few and far between) would need a TON of work, in addition to being at the very top of our price range.  In the end, we moved about 15 miles East down the 101, which isn't a bad commute at all.

Well, after all that discussion and ultimately deciding to move farther away from Jordan's work, his office very recently announced that they are mostly likely moving... 5 miles down the road from our new house!!!  Now, it's not for sure yet, but it's very likely.  How angry would I be now if I bought the house I didn't love just because of the location of Jordan's office, which would ultimately move to the area I really wanted to live?

Anyway, we love our house.  It stays cooler during the summer with lower electric bills than we ever paid in our apartment, it has tons of space, a green backyard that Clara loves, it's in a beautiful, quiet neighborhood, and soon it will be even closer to Jordan's work (we hope!).

Goings on...

I'm sorry I have been a super lame blogger basically since we moved to Arizona.  Part of it was on accident, part of it on purpose.  The on purpose part has mostly to do with the fact that my life is relatively boring.  With Jordan gone at work all day, Clara and I mostly just hang out and do the same things every day.  For a time there, I think I also was a bit depressed because of my boredom.  Nothing bad or overwhelming or anything, but going from a life that was full of activities and busy-ness to the highlight of my week being purchasing Clara a wheel-barrow... well, I was a little sad about it.

I have discovered this is a totally common thing for new mothers to go through.  In the early months, I was very lucky because Jordan was able to work from home, and even though it meant we were totally poor, it also helped keep any boredom and loneliness at bay.  But once Jordan got a real, grown-up job, and I was suddenly facing 40 hours a week at home alone with a baby, well, I didn't really know what to do with myself.  And while I still haven't really figured out exactly how to keep my mind occupied, it's gotten easier as Clara has gotten older and I've had more time to make friends.

I never remember anyone ever talking about the isolation and loneliness being the hardest part of stay-at-home motherhood.  And probably for many women, it isn't the hardest thing.  I heard how hard it is to cater to your baby, the lack of sleep, all the work that comes from running a house... those things haven't been a real struggle for me (thanks to an awesome husband who is always willing to jump in and help with domestic duties).  For me, it's been the boredom.  And what to do about the boredom.  And since I've discovered this about myself, I've realized I'm hardly alone.

Of course exciting things have happened recently.  We bought a lovely home, we're expecting a new baby (and my most recent batch of not-blogging really has more to do with being morning sick than being bored), I'm about to have a busy summer full of Alaska awesomeness, and Clara has just started doing so many new things!

Anyway, I started writing about all those exciting things going on, but I realized that would turn this into a REAL novel.  Watch for future posts on all things exciting in our lives!

Painfully Cute

Does anyone else ever look at their child and actually tear up because their child is so so so cute? I'm not saying that Clara is cuter than anyone else's kid, I'm just wondering if I'm having a very strange reaction. Of course, it's always kinda been this way... When she was born, I was so happy I cried, I used to smell her little baby head and tear up at the thought that anything were to ever happen to her... but as she's gotten older, and her cuteness has become more toddler-ish, I find sometimes she does cute things and it makes me so happy I tear up.

I have always said I love babies. I LOVE babies. Especially newborns. They're so sweet, so cuddly, so not-destructive. But I've been very nervous about toddlers. Basically babies who can run... to me it seemed to take away all the sweetness. Well, I am wrong, everyone. Very, very wrong. Maybe it's just that it's your own kid, but man I have LOVED walking and running Clara. These last few months have been a serious joy. Ok, the plane flights have been lame, but other than that, she's really been a dream. Anyway, I wanted to list the top 10 things she does that are SO CUTE that it makes me cry.

10. When she sees we're making a bottle of milk, she gets really happy and runs to the chair in her bedroom where we feed her before naps. She's all ready for her warm milk and cuddles!

9. When I put her in a shopping cart, she kinda jumps up and down likes she's riding a horse. She did that today at Walmart, and several older women almost died because she was so cute.

8. In Missouri, her favorite thing was this gentle yellow lab named Sandy. Sandy loved Clara. Clara just LOVED Sandy. Before dogs had scared Clara, but not Sandy. Sandy could lick all over Clara's face (yes, gross, I know), and Clara thought it was the best thing ever. I was so sad to have to separate Clara and Sandy... :(

7. When we're getting ready to leave, she gets SUPER excited. She knows that when we put on shoes and start looking for stuff (usually the keys), it's time to go, and oh man you better take her or she'll be MAD. She just loves going outside, and the minute you open the front door she laughs in delight.

6. She has her friend here, names Isla, who is just a few weeks older than her. They love to run around chasing each other, and then for no reason that we can discern, they suddenly just start laughing at each other. And they jabber nonsense words to each other. It's ridiculously cute.

5. All babies do this, but it's still adorable when she talks jibberish to herself. As if she's actually saying words. My favorite is when she's apparently alone (in bed waiting to go to sleep, or in her car seat) and she just starts talking to herself, apparently to keep herself company. She also sings to herself.

4. Lately she's been laughing out loud randomly. I have no idea why she does it, but I"ll be walking into the store, and she just starts giggling! Ok, maybe I just don't take her outside enough, but man it's fun to take her to the store.

3. One word: Signing. I haven't been super diligent about it, so she just knows just a couple of words: all done, eat and milk. But it's so cute. Today when we were at the store, she spent the whole trip signing "Eat" because I THINK she knew the items on the shelves were food... it's also possible she was politely telling me she was hungry... either way, very cute.

2. She. Loves. LOVES. LOOOOVES. Her Daddy. The first thing she says in the morning when I get her up is "Daddy!" (Still doesn't even say Mama) And then she goes and finds him. If he's still sleeping before work and our door is closed, she goes and bangs on the door saying, "Daddy!" They play hide and seek together. She gives him unsolicited kisses (no such luck for Mommy...).

1. She also loves her blanky. And it is SO cute. If we let her, she drags it around the house like Linus. I usually try to keep blanky to just a sleepy-time thing (if only I could do the same thing with the binky...), but if she can she likes to bring it with her. I have found that when she gets really upset, she likes to take her blanket, find a corner, and then stick her finger through some holes she's made over the last year. And the best part is when she's really tired, if she has her blanket, she'll bundle it up in her arms, put her face in it and snuggle with me. And fall asleep that way. It is SO CUTE.

Anyway, these things are so beautiful and wonderful to me, that sometimes I tear up. I think part of it is sadness at letting go of her baby years/toddler years... I suppose someday she will be a teenager who talks back to me (or, lets face it, a 5 year old who talks back to me), and it's so bittersweet letting go of these years. But in some good news, it really does seem to be getting better and better... Man, parenthood is so surprising!

Thanksgiving

Everyone on facebook has been doing a thing they're thankful for each day of this month. I came too late to the game and did not participate, but I'd like to make that list here:

24. The internet! What a fantastic invention...

23. Blue's Clues. You have saved my sanity on multiple occasions.

22. Milliman. You gave my husband a job, and basically set him up for life. What's not to love?

21. Alaska. I'm not there, and I wish I was. I love Alaska. The beautiful summers, the -40, the mountains... oh, Alaska, how I miss you.

20. Being a stay-at-home mom. It's a tough adjustment, and when people come to the door I tend to linger there talking to anyone who will listen to me, but I'm so grateful that I can enjoy this luxury.

19. Delicious food. We spend so much time hating food and hating ourselves... but food is wonderful not because it just sustains us, but because it makes big gatherings better.

18. Good friends who call you weekly from Canada... *wink* enough said. :)

17. Time. Ok, sometimes it's not so cool, but in general I find that time makes pain dull, has a way of working out conflicts, and in general giving us better perspective.

16. Baby kisses! Who doesn't love it when a 14 month old walks up, opens her mouth and plants a big, tongue-y wet one on your mouth?

15. My education. I was blessed to be able to get a quality education for not a lot of money. I really treasure what I have learned, mostly because it taught me to love learning.

14. Good books. Oh, how I love getting lost in a great book. It is one of my favorite things in the whole world.

13. Airplanes! Seriously, though, I love visiting family, and without airplanes that would be such a pain...

12. Our Bishop. We have a great bishop here in Arizona, and i"m grateful for his kindness and guidance.

11. Trials. Silly thing to be thankful for, but truly without the heartache, I wouldn't be nearly as happy as I am today.

10. Physical Health. I am striving to take better care of my body, because I want to be able to run around with my grandchildren. I'm grateful it hasn't given out on my yet...

9. Jordan's siblings and their families. I have such fun with them all, and their homes are always so welcoming to Jordan and I.

8. My family. My sisters, my brother, my step-dad. I love them all!

7. Jordan's parents. They are wonderful people and I am so lucky to have such, easy, helpful, happy in-laws.

6. Music. In all its forms.

5. Financial stability. It's not the most important thing, but I know what it's like to NOT have it, and I much prefer my life with it...

4. Jordan's job. I prayed and prayed Jordan would find a job last year, and we are so blessed.

4. My mom. I love that I"m raising my kids while she's raising her little guys. I can always call her for help. She's always willing to listen.

3. My perfect daughter. She brings a joy to my life that I never expected. She makes me laugh and smile every single day.

2. My wonderful husband. Without him, I wouldn't have this life, my baby, and I would be terribly, terribly lonely.

1. The Gospel of Jesus Christ. I know that families are eternal, and I know that no matter what happens to us, as long as we try to make righteous choices and have faith, we will be taken care of.

Just a thought...

It's been 13 years today since my father passed away. I'm always so careful to only say good things about my dad's death, since I really do feel so comfortable with it; I know it was supposed to happen. I have found a great deal of happiness in spite of his passing. And really I just don't want to dwell on the past to much, because the future is so lovely, and there's so much to look forward to.

But I had a thought. Now that I'm a mom (the first anniversary that I have a child of my own), and I can only think that he probably didn't want to go. I mean, I am certain that there is a plan for our lives, and when we have lived a good life we move on and feel great peace. But no matter how great the peace that he felt, I am sure part of him wished he could stay with us here in mortality and see us grow. I say this now, because that's exactly how I feel about my little girl. I pray every day that I won't be taken away from this life because I need to be here, I want to see every moment of her life. And I imagine my father felt the same.

I don't say this to feel sorry for myself, or even for him, but rather to have a greater understanding of what it means to be a parent and how precious our time here is. To cherish each smile, each laugh, and to cuddle away every tear. I am so grateful for my father's wonderful example. His life remains a defining aspect of my life, and of my testimony of Eternal families.

Jordan's Birthday

So, here's the deal. I forgot Jordan's birthday last year. Well, I didn't forget, I just didn't do anything. Hear me out! I was really, really morning sick. I was so morning sick I couldn't make myself get up and make a stupid cake. I don't think we even went out to dinner (because at that point I basically hated food).

So this year, I had to make up for it. I had been thinking about what I was going to do for a month. And it was a TOTAL success. Except... Jordan almost missed it. He came home from work just long enough to eat dinner (Sloppy Joes) and blow out some candles. That's ok, I had fun putting it together anyway. I made these delicious cupcakes:


Yeah, cookie dough cupcakes. They were A-MAZING. I was super doubtful. I'm not on the whole cookie dough train... but Jordan is, which is why I even tried them. I sent a dozen with him to work, and we snarfed down our own dozen. I also got him an ice cream cake from Cold Stones, which was good, but not nearly as good as my cupcakes.


Overall, I think Jordan liked the 2 hours he was able to spend at home. I think he hated the 10 hours he spent at work. Poor dude.