Painfully Cute

Does anyone else ever look at their child and actually tear up because their child is so so so cute? I'm not saying that Clara is cuter than anyone else's kid, I'm just wondering if I'm having a very strange reaction. Of course, it's always kinda been this way... When she was born, I was so happy I cried, I used to smell her little baby head and tear up at the thought that anything were to ever happen to her... but as she's gotten older, and her cuteness has become more toddler-ish, I find sometimes she does cute things and it makes me so happy I tear up.

I have always said I love babies. I LOVE babies. Especially newborns. They're so sweet, so cuddly, so not-destructive. But I've been very nervous about toddlers. Basically babies who can run... to me it seemed to take away all the sweetness. Well, I am wrong, everyone. Very, very wrong. Maybe it's just that it's your own kid, but man I have LOVED walking and running Clara. These last few months have been a serious joy. Ok, the plane flights have been lame, but other than that, she's really been a dream. Anyway, I wanted to list the top 10 things she does that are SO CUTE that it makes me cry.

10. When she sees we're making a bottle of milk, she gets really happy and runs to the chair in her bedroom where we feed her before naps. She's all ready for her warm milk and cuddles!

9. When I put her in a shopping cart, she kinda jumps up and down likes she's riding a horse. She did that today at Walmart, and several older women almost died because she was so cute.

8. In Missouri, her favorite thing was this gentle yellow lab named Sandy. Sandy loved Clara. Clara just LOVED Sandy. Before dogs had scared Clara, but not Sandy. Sandy could lick all over Clara's face (yes, gross, I know), and Clara thought it was the best thing ever. I was so sad to have to separate Clara and Sandy... :(

7. When we're getting ready to leave, she gets SUPER excited. She knows that when we put on shoes and start looking for stuff (usually the keys), it's time to go, and oh man you better take her or she'll be MAD. She just loves going outside, and the minute you open the front door she laughs in delight.

6. She has her friend here, names Isla, who is just a few weeks older than her. They love to run around chasing each other, and then for no reason that we can discern, they suddenly just start laughing at each other. And they jabber nonsense words to each other. It's ridiculously cute.

5. All babies do this, but it's still adorable when she talks jibberish to herself. As if she's actually saying words. My favorite is when she's apparently alone (in bed waiting to go to sleep, or in her car seat) and she just starts talking to herself, apparently to keep herself company. She also sings to herself.

4. Lately she's been laughing out loud randomly. I have no idea why she does it, but I"ll be walking into the store, and she just starts giggling! Ok, maybe I just don't take her outside enough, but man it's fun to take her to the store.

3. One word: Signing. I haven't been super diligent about it, so she just knows just a couple of words: all done, eat and milk. But it's so cute. Today when we were at the store, she spent the whole trip signing "Eat" because I THINK she knew the items on the shelves were food... it's also possible she was politely telling me she was hungry... either way, very cute.

2. She. Loves. LOVES. LOOOOVES. Her Daddy. The first thing she says in the morning when I get her up is "Daddy!" (Still doesn't even say Mama) And then she goes and finds him. If he's still sleeping before work and our door is closed, she goes and bangs on the door saying, "Daddy!" They play hide and seek together. She gives him unsolicited kisses (no such luck for Mommy...).

1. She also loves her blanky. And it is SO cute. If we let her, she drags it around the house like Linus. I usually try to keep blanky to just a sleepy-time thing (if only I could do the same thing with the binky...), but if she can she likes to bring it with her. I have found that when she gets really upset, she likes to take her blanket, find a corner, and then stick her finger through some holes she's made over the last year. And the best part is when she's really tired, if she has her blanket, she'll bundle it up in her arms, put her face in it and snuggle with me. And fall asleep that way. It is SO CUTE.

Anyway, these things are so beautiful and wonderful to me, that sometimes I tear up. I think part of it is sadness at letting go of her baby years/toddler years... I suppose someday she will be a teenager who talks back to me (or, lets face it, a 5 year old who talks back to me), and it's so bittersweet letting go of these years. But in some good news, it really does seem to be getting better and better... Man, parenthood is so surprising!

Clara Love

Can I take a moment to totally brag about my beautiful girl? I hope you don't mind, because right now I just can't help it.

Clara is an absolute joy. We love her to pieces. There's seriously no other way to say it, because she has turned into the sweetest (almost) 7 month old. One of my favorite things is to watch her when Jordan walks in the room. Her eyes follow him everywhere and she looks at him with this expression like he is the best thing in the whole world. I say to him, "Look, she loving you!" because that's exactly what it looks like when she stares at him.
I love to hear her make her sweet sounds. While she's busy exploring everywhere she is talking to herself in these beautiful coos. I try to capture them on video, and it never quite gets it right.

She LOVES other people. Whenever we go out, all I hear is "Wow! What a good baby!" She has never, ever cried in public. As a matter of fact, when she is starting to get fussy, but I don't want to quite put her to bed, we go to the store, because #1- she LIKES car rides and #2- She loves going around in the store. When the old ladies talk to her, she smiles right back. She likes looking at people as much as they like looking at her.

Yesterday during church it became especially apparent that she was special (in the same way all babies are special, don't get me wrong). All I heard all day was how cute she is, I even had people come up to me from across the room to inform me of her adorableness. And she, of course, lives up to her cuteness by smiling at all the nice people and making sweet coos at them. When I handed her off so that I could go play the piano, not a sound of sadness. Not a single complaint, she was happy to be with whomever.


I feel so blessed to have her in my life. I love it when she wears yellow because she's like a ray of sunshine.

Day Eighteen: Your Favorite Memory

Your favorite memory?

Who has one single, favorite memory?

Weird. Um, I guess if I have to pick one, I pick the moment they brought Clara to us after she was born. The actual moment she was born I was pretty exhausted. And confused. I really thought she was going to be a boy, and then she wasn't, and then suddenly the whole room was super busy with activity, and I couldn't figure out what to pay attention to, so I just kept asking Jordan if she was really a girl, and the next thing I know they're telling me that she's having a little trouble breathing so they need to get her on the CPAP machine in the NICU and I couldn't even think strait, it was all happening to fast and I was so wiped out...

But a couple hours later (after the most delicious Sprite I've ever had in my life) at 3:30 in the morning, they finally brought us our baby. And, oh she was so perfect! Jordan picked her up and said, "Oh, Amanda, she's so cute!" and I could literally see his heart melt. Even three hours after she was born she was so alert and bright-eyed. All we could do was admire her perfection. We didn't sleep until 5 am that morning, but I don't even remember being tired.

5 Months Old!!!

This is ridiculous. How can time go by so fast? And how can she change so rapidly in such a short period? I was thinking today of how my life has revolved around nursing her for the last 5 months! Every 2-5 hours for the last FIVE MONTHS I've been tied to this beautiful creature. And it doesn't bother me nearly as much as I thought it would...

Ok, lets see if I can break this down:

-Clara's favorite and most impressive trick by far is rolling over. She can go from her back to her front very easily and quickly. For some reason she's slower from her front to back (which is weird because that's what she did first). She can go all the way around to get somewhere.

-Grabbing things! She was a bit of a late grabber. Just not that interested in using her hands. She's still ok with NOT grabbing everything (which, I won't lie, is fabulous), but she's getting more and more bold.

-Very, very close to sitting up. Actually, she will sit up on her own for quite a while, but then if she bends the wrong way she comes toppling down. So... this is a "mostly." I say by 5 1/2 months she'll be a pro!

-Sucking her thumb. So, so, so cute. Indescribably cute. I should stop her, but I can't. It's too adorable.

-She's a TOTAL Daddy's girl. Poor thing is going to be heartbroken when dad has to work all day and she's stuck with Mommy. Daddy, somehow, always makes everything better for her. He'll go to put her to bed, and the next thing I know I hear her (very adorable) belly laugh.

-It's just amazing how she's discovering how to use her body. She bends all sorts of ways now. Arching her back to look behind her, lots of twisting, and TONS of wiggling.

-Lately she's started to jabber a bit more. Really, she just has a new sound that sort of sounds like yelling when she's decided she's bored and wants attention. It's basically "fake crying." She's upset, but not sad or angry. It's also very funny to hear this used to be quiet baby making such a big deal about getting her toy back.

-Still no hair. *sigh* My sister-in-law Anna recently had a beautiful new baby girl, Lizzie, with TONS of dark hair. We called her husband Mike and told him that we're having "hair envy." Jordan likes to remind me that this is my fault. He had tons of hair (like Lizzie). I was bald until I was two. Poor Clara...

-In our new ward, I'm fairly certain she is the the youngest. Actually, I think she's the only baby under the age of 1. Which is SO weird coming from a BYU Married ward. But it does get you a LOT of attention. She's just TOO CUTE!

Enjoy this video of Jordan making her laugh!

Day Fourteen: What I Wore Today

This again? I so don't care about clothes! It's just too bad. At least I had church today, so I wore more than pajamas...

I wore a black skirt and a red shirt, and some very cute new shoes. I wasn't super happy with the way I looked, but you know, at least I got this cute baby out of the whole my-body-is-a-disaster-zone thing. :)

To distract from the other... unpleasantness... here are some pictures of the sweet baby!

Day Twelve: What's in Your Bag?

Well, now-a-days, a just carry around one bag: a diaper bag. And in a bit of luck, I JUST cleaned it out the other day, so you can thing I am the cleanest person ever. Here's what I got:

3 diapers
wipes
butt paste
diaper changing pad
mylicon
Nursing Cover
Burb cloth
Extra onsie/pair of pants

Yep, baby central right there.

In Alaska!

We have brought the Baby back to the homeland... I love it so much here, even when it's -40 and dark all the time. I wish I could stay here. Oh well...

The flight was great. Both planes were really empty, so we were able to bring the car seat on and let Clara sleep there, which was so nice! She's such a sweaty baby, we weren't looking forward to having her sleep on us for 5 hours. She slept most of the time, and even when she was awake, she hardly made a peep. Carrying the pack-n-play through the airport was a pain, but other than that our flights were pleasantly uneventful.

Since we've been home, we spend an evening with my family, which was the first time most of them had seen Clara. She, predictably, charmed them (although I think if she had screamed the whole time they still would have adored her). It was so fun to see how big Elyse and Liam are getting! I can't believe how much they look like Jensens. Liam is HUGE! I love his dark hair. I was making cookies, and I walked away from the batter for seriously 30 seconds and I turned around to see Liam up on a chair (which wasn't there before!) trying to steal my cookie dough! Sneaky little guy.

Anywho, I look forward to a relaxing few weeks of catching up with friends and family. And, seriously, enjoying the lovely Alaskan winter. Yay!

A day in the life...

In the last year, my daily life has changed DRAMATICALLY. I've gone from being a full-time student who could basically go and do anything I wanted at anytime, to, well, not so much. Here's a normal day for Mommy Manda (starting at midnight)

1am - Clara wakes me up to eat. Goes back to sleep immediately. I go back to sleep on the coach as a habit, because if she DOES wake back up in the next hour, it's too heartbreaking to get back out of bed.
3am- I wake up in a panic that Clara's died. I go check to make sure she's breathing. She is.
5am - Yay! Four hours again! Clara wakes up to eat, goes back to sleep immediately. I decide to try my luck in my own bed with Jordan... still hoping she sleeps for at least another 3 hours.
8:30am - Clara wakes up to eat (what a great baby giving her mom so much sleep), stays awake. I make myself breakfast, attempt to give Clara tummy-time. I look at the dishes, knowing that I should do them. Procrastinate.
8:35- Clara hates tummy-time. I give in and flip her on her back. I eat breakfast and check email/facebook.
9am - I go peak in on Jordan. Still sleeping. He was up late last night working.
9:15 - Clara starts to get fussy. I put her in her swaddler and get her into her bed.
9:30 - Clara fusses in bed. I comfort her/give her the binkie.
10am - Jordan wakes up, we exchange dream stories. Clara wakes up. I declare that 45 min is NOT a long enough nap, go in and try to get her to sleep longer.
10:15- Clara wakes up again. Hardly long enough. Put binkie back in mouth.
10:30 - Clara wakes up. I give in. She's up. I feed her a bit. I hand her off to Jordan so I can get a break.
10:45 - Still fussy. She really needs a longer nap. I get her ready... AGAIN (worrying that I"m a horrible mother), she goes directly to sleep. I check facebook.
11am - Clara still asleep, I read Babyproofing your Marriage. Glance at dishes again, knowing Clara will be asleep for only so long. Continue to procrastinate.
Noon - Clara wakes up happy. I declare I am the best parent ever. I bug Jordan while he works. We rock. Oh, look, she's smiling at Jordan! She LOVES her daddy! I play with Clara while watching an episode of Gilmore Girls. Still procrastinating dishes, and now it's noon and I still haven't showered/gotten dressed.
12:45 - Episode ends. I glance at the dishes again. I hate dishes.
1pm - Clara starts looking sleepy, back down for another nap (she really only stays awake for about an hour at a time most days).
1:15- Hungry again. I hunt around in my kitchen for food, hating myself for not cleaning. If I cleaned it, I'd feel like cooking.
1:30 - after looking around the kitchen, I realize we have no food to eat. I make a grocery list. Hop in the shower (finally) and get dressed in real clothes.
2pm - Clara's still asleep? AWESOME. I'm running to the grocery store. Tell Jordan to look after the baby.
3pm - return from grocery store with a TON of groceries. Clara's still asleep? We are the best parents ever. Put away groceries. Also, think "I should reorganize my cabinet." And "Those stupid dishes." Continue to procrastinate.
3:15- Realize I never ate. Try to make a healthy choice, but add a cookie to my salad.... Not too bad, right? Now what's for dinner? I also check facebook, briefly.
3:30 - Go check to make sure Clara's breathing. Still breathing. And sleeping. Watch a Stargate. What a stellar parent I am *sarcasm*
4pm - Clara still asleep. I realize the minute I begin the dishes, Clara will wake up, but I finally decide procrastinating any longer will make me the World's Worst Homemaker (partly because I hate cooking dinner in a messy kitchen). I start the dishes.
4:05- Clara wakes up. I feed her.
4:30- I give a Jordan a choice: Dishes or Clara (I'm a great wife, I know). He chooses Clara, I continue dishes.
5:00 - Yay! Dishes are finally done! Now, dinner...
5:45 - Fish tacos for dinner. I wonder if Jordan will like them. Clara is really fussy, I waited too long to put her down for a nap, and now she's overtired. I get her ready for a nap before we eat.
6:00 - Clara's finally down. We start dinner.
6:05 - I'm about to open my mouth to eat food, when I hear Clara cry. I go calm her down.
6:15 - Another bite poised to enter my mouth, when I hear a Clara cry. I debate with Jordan if we should just let her cry a bit, or go calm her again. Jordan puts her binkie back in, comes back and we eat.
6:30 - Clara's still upset. I go feed her a bit and she goes to sleep. Jordan and I watch a Stargate together. I check facebook. Yes, again.
7:15- Clara wakes up. That's ok, she can be awake. she had a HUGE nap earlier, and I want her to sleep tonight.
8pm - Get Clara ready for real bed. Like, until the morning. Get her in pjs, read a book, have a nice nightly feeding, and then into her pack-n-play she goes. She goes directly to sleep, I congradulate myself on some rockin' parenting I'm doing here. Jordan and I watch the lastest Office episode to celebrate our success.
8:45 - Clara cries. What? She's supposed to be asleep for the night. I go in and her eyes are WIDE awake, and she smiles at me. No! Stop being so cute! You're supposed to be asleep! The book says you should be sleep! I rock her for 3 minutes, put her back in bed, walk out.
8:50 - Clara starts crying. I let her cry for five minutes.
8:55 - I go in and calm her down. Put binkie back in, and leave.
8:58 - Clara cries. I let her cry for 10 minutes.
9:08 - I go in and calm her down. Put binkie back in, leave.
9:10 - Clara cries. I give up, put her in her swing in her dark bedroom. She goes directly to sleep. I'm such a lame mom resorting to the swing to get her to sleep...
9:15 - Jordan plays some football while think about cleaning the kitchen again. I swear someday I'll be on top of this whole homemaking thing... I decide to read a book instead.
10pm - Clara's well asleep, I go and stop her swing, but leave her in it. She stays asleep. Jordan's working on my computer, so I finally go and put those things away that will go bad/make us sick. Oh, yeah, I might have an addiction. Yet AGAIN I check facebook. I feel guilty that I haven't done tonight's dishes, but managed to check facebook...
10:30 - I'm tired. Going to bed. I go in the room and very, very, very carefully move Clara from her swing to her bed. I stand there a minute. She doesn't move. I dare not be happy. I walk out and slowly get ready for bed, bug Jordan about coming to bed. He's still working.
11pm - Clara's still asleep, I'm ready for bed, Jordan's brushing his teeth. I double check that she's breathing before I go lay in my bed. Good. Jordan and I talk for about 15 minutes about how cute she is. Then we debate on when to have another one (Amanda: "But we did such a great job the first time!" Jordan: "You're already crazy, can't we wait until you're normal again?")

Yeah, that's not how my life was a year ago. But guess what? All I can think about is how darn cute that baby is! Oh, and worrying about her next nap. And checking facebook.

Growing like a weed

She's huge! My baby is getting so big. And so cute. At this point, all you have to do is look at her to get her to smile. She's very easily entertained. She doesn't laugh all the time, but her smiles are sweet and generous. My favorite thing to do is to just sit and look at her, and watch while she gives me gorgeous smiles and cute, impish looks.

She's also quite the talker. One time I was laying down with her, and I was telling what a cute baby she was, and every time I opened my mouth to start to say something, she would coo at me... before I could finish staying my first word! Already interrupting me, silly girl. I love her smiles, but I think my favorite is to hear her talking to me.

Jordan and I are finally cracking down on the sleep! I'm a bit of a softy, so I've been pretty generous with her sleep. Well, now she's a big ole 3 month old, and she's going to be sleeping right! The book that I use to help me is Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, which I really enjoy. It talks a lot about how sleep is best for babies/children, and what they're developmentally ready for. The biggest point that the author talks about is that so often our babies get overtired, and when they're overtired they have a harder time getting to sleep. It's important to watch for the sleep signs BEFORE they get fussy, because that's when they'll fall asleep the easiest and stay asleep the longest.

Our big problem with Clara is that she wasn't going to bed for the night until 11 or midnight, and at her age they really should be getting down at 6 or 7pm. So we've started our campaign. Right now we're working on just 8pm, but in the next few weeks I'm aiming for 7pm, earlier if she starts looking tired. It's going alright... she's definately sleeping better in her own bed. At this point she's definately asleep by 10pm, wake up to eat at 2am and at 6am and is up for the day at 8am. Not too bad. She naps pretty well, so if we can get her bed time worked out, I think we'll be ok. I try not to get my hopes up, though, because then I just end up getting disappointed when things aren't as easy as I was hoping.

As long as she gets adequate sleep, Clara is a very sweet, happy baby. She's so easy! I know this phase won't last forever (soon I'm going to have to be chasing her around everywhere... *sigh*), but she's easily entertained and if you put her in one spot, she stays there. Oh yeah, have I mentioned that she's ridiculously cute?

So much to say...

I have struggled for weeks to write something, but every time I sit down I'm overwhelmed with all the changes in our lives since Clara's been born, and all that we've done in the last two months.

Yes, my beautiful baby is growing up fast! She's definately lost that newborn look to her, she's very chubby and filled out. She holds up her head and can look around. I can almost carry her around on my hip, her head control is that strong. She's not very cuddly... which is oh so disappointing to me, because all I want to do is cuddle with her! We finally figured out that she DOES like the Moby, she just has to be facing out, looking at the world. She is SO generous with her smiles, and Jordan swears he got her to laugh the other day. She loves getting her diaper changed by Daddy because he just sits and plays with her. She loves her swing, and sometimes it's the only way I can get things done! While we were in Missouri, she was CRAZY patient with the other kids, especially the little ones who wanted to get in her face and poke her a bit (their mother's and I did our best to protect her, but sometimes things just got crazy!). I'm fairly certain she enjoys being held more by other people than me, probably because she see's me and thinks "food!"

Sleep has been very touch and go recently. But recently things have really started to come together. She has a VERY consistent morning nap: an hour and a half after she gets up, she needs a nap. I'm pretty religious about putting her down after being awake for 2 hours, which is very helpful. Nighttimes are still tough. She goes to sleep easily, but fusses awake after about an hour, and sometimes all I can do is hold her binkie in until she goes to sleep. When she's really upset, she DOES sleep better snuggled up with me, but the truth of the matter is I DON'T get good sleep because she is a very hot and sweaty little baby... anywho, I feel like last night we had a break through, she slept FOREVER in the hotel room. Like, I got a whole 5 hours of uninterrupted to sleep (except when I woke up at 1am freaking out because she hadn't woken up and I had to make sure she was breathing.... but me messing up my own sleep doesn't count here). In general, I've told myself not to worry too much until she's 4 months old, but try to reenforce healthy habits as best I can.

All in all, she's an absolute joy and SOOOOOOOOOO cute! I love her tons and tons!

I am alive!

Clara will be 3 weeks old tomorrow. I feel like she's getting bigger right in front of my eyes. It's amazing how different I feel like she looks, even now. She's definitely longer, with chubbier little cheeks and legs. Jordan and I spend a good part of our days just snuggling with her and obsessively discussing how she's the cutest baby ever. She's just lovely.

I'm recovering well. There were some rough days there at the beginning when I was still feeding her obsessively every 2 or 3 hours (like, waking her up to feed her) and she would fall asleep while nursing. I was really worried she wasn't getting enough to eat. She surpassed her birth weight at the 2 week appointment, so no worries! I'm sleeping longer at nights, and she's sorta starting to develop something of a nap schedule... kind of.

I'm also really proud that I haven't let the apartment (in terms of cleaning) get away from me. I knew this would be important to my sanity, and I figured out a way to do just enough so that I don't go crazy, but not so much that I'm obsessive. I'm a much better housekeeper as a mom than I was before, which is strange...

Jordan's been such a blessing to have around. I actually have to be careful I don't use him TOO much, because he really has work and studying to get done. We've been blessed to have tons more work hours avaliable to us this month (and probably for the next few months), which means we finally aren't totally broke! WOOT! Jordan's also working towards taking the third actuarial exam in early November, so he's really busy. But he always have time to change Clara's diaper and cuddle her for a bit so I can grab a shower or a quick nap. I'm SOOO lucky... :)