More unexpected blessings...

Well, the baby will be here in less than a week. Yesterday at my doctor's appointment, he said that while I wasn't dilated/effaced enough to induce now, basically no matter what we're going to induce next Monday. He'd still like it earlier if my body cooperates, so I'm getting checked again on Thursday to see if I've made any progress. The sad thing is I WAS making good progress with quite a few contractions and such until I was put on bedrest, and now everything has come to a halting stop. I might get a couple of good contractions a day, but not near as many as a week ago. Anywho, so I don't really think I'll be quite ready for a baby by my appointment on Thursday, but for SURE on Monday this little cutie is coming out!

While I'm wonderfully excited, I can also feel those moments of fear and anxiety creeping up. What the heck have I signed up for? My whole life is about to change, forever, I know it has, but there's not way I can know in how many ways... And w hat do I know about babies, anyway? Nothing! And so I find myself in the shower, utterly freaking out about what's about to happen.

And, lucky me, I get out of the shower, and I go whimper to Jordan, "Love, what have we done?!" And the strong, amazing man he is says, "Don't worry, we're going to be fine."

How lucky am I? Last night as I was laying in bed, I realized I have spent so many months and months anxiously worrying about Jordan getting a job, getting out of Provo, starting our "real lives," that I think I've missed one of the greatest, sweetest blessing in my life. Yes, it's hard not knowing our future, but for the next few weeks Jordan's going to be right by my side as I try to figure out this newborn baby thing. We don't have to worry about vacation days, or getting back to classes (if he was going to school...), and we don't have to worry about a move and not knowing those around us. As I'm facing childbirth and a new baby in the face, not having a job might be one of the best things that's ever happened, at least for now. I get the constant companionship of Jordan through these next stressful, exhausting weeks.

Of course, we still want a job, and the catch is that we are poor... but even that has been taken care of for us. Just last week, Jordan's work he does in Provo (which has been a little bit slow as of late) picked up in a big way and he'll be able to work from home and make some pretty good money for the next month or so. And even while I'm saying "Yay, Jordan doesn't have a job!" we have two really great job leads that are really promising. We've been taken care of in every way possible.

Bedrest...

That's the new official declaration by my doctor. It's been a really rough month of being pregnant: the flu, then a nasty cough, then some miserable back pain due to the cough (went to the chiropractor about that...), the flu again, then to the hospital because of suspected pre-eclampsia. And, after today, no more running errands.

The hospital trip was yesterday when my flu-like symptoms made me a bit suspicious there could be something more going on. I was also unusually swollen, without doing much walking around and I also had some really sudden weight gain (which has NOT been typical of my pregnancy), this combined with the fact that my blood pressure has been elevated since about week 20 made me worry that it could be pre-eclampsia. So we headed to the hospital on the advice of our brother-in-law doctor Bed (we love you Ben!), just to make sure everything was ok. After a series of tests, they went ahead and told me I could go home, but I had to take it easy and run some MORE tests, and see my Doctor on Tuesday.

Well, my Doctor got the hospital reports back this morning and decided it was necessary to see me today, to officially diagnose me with mild pre-eclampsia, tell me not to move around, that I have to take my blood pressure 4 times a day, and try to keep this baby in me for at least another week.

The good news is that bed rest doesn't mess me up too bad, since I basically hang around the house all day anyway. And since I'm full-term, I'm totally ok with this baby coming sooner rather than later, so I don't have much to complain about. Well, all the tests they made me take have not been a joy ride, but I'm happy to say I think this whole pregnancy thing should wrap up in the next two weeks! WOOHOO! I'm so excited to meet this little person!

Any bets yet on if it's a boy or girl?

A pregnancy update...

Well, I'm well into my third trimester and less than 6 weeks away from my due date! I think this post is another "bullet point" type, simply because there's too much going on to work into coherent paragraph's (don't worry, I tried).

-The worst thing about the long road trip was my legs got MAJORLY restless. I think it's called restless leg syndrome, and it sometimes happens during pregnancy. Mostly, I just wanted to move my legs when I would be sitting in the car. Half the time we stopped not so I could just use the bathroom but so I could get my legs moving. Not fun.

-So, everyone else who's pregnant that I know keeps talking about their really bouncy, wiggly baby. Don't get me wrong, our baby definitely moves around and gets a little kicky sometimes, but overall I wouldn't describe this baby as especially bouncy. Which I think is great! I hope it means that we'll have a nice, calm, mellow baby, like Jordan was. Really, I just hope our baby is like Jordan was as a baby...

-At my doctor's appointment a week ago, I had an ultrasound to determine the position of the baby and such. Everything looks great, and the baby is still measuring about 10 days ahead! Woohoo! I really hopes this means the baby is going to make an appearance a bit early... although my mom likes to dash my hopes and just says I'm going to have an 11 pound baby a week late. Not cool!

-So, I managed to get the flu while in Connecticut visiting. It seems totally unfair that a huge 8 month pregnant woman gets the flu longer and more severe than anyone else in the house, but that's what happened. I've also been fighting a cold, which recently moved into my chest. It seems rather than my immunity being up, I feel way more susceptible to any little bug going around. I wish this cold would go away...

-Fun Fact: When I had the flu, I discovered you CAN throw up out the window of your car going down an interstate at 70 mph. But your car will need a wash afterward...

-Because of my cold, I went to the doctor yesterday to see if I could get something to help me sleep, and I found out in the last week I managed to LOSE 5 pounds. I don't know if I've ever heard of that in the third trimester...

-I still haven't packed on a bunch of weight with this baby because my appetite just hasn't really ever returned. I am officially 3 pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight. When we would go into restaurants while on the east coast, I think the waiters would look at me very pregnant and go "Score!" They were sorely disappointed when I would just order a salad. My poor tummy is so squished that I can hardly eat much at all.

-Heartburn is so not my friend. But I think I eat more tums than regular food...

-Here's my feeling on the gender: I think the baby is a boy. Now, this might be because Jordan's brainwashed me (he really wants a boy), but... I think it's a boy. Which is kinda sad because I sorta want a girl (I have so many cute cute girl clothes from my mom!!!). But my "mother's instinct" is saying "boy." Let's see how accurate that is!

-Overall, I'm getting super excited to meet our little baby! It's coming fast and I feel... calm. I'm trying to stay emotionally flexible and relaxed as much as possible, and I"m trying not to over-think things. We still have some necessities missing, mostly due to the fact that we may or may not be moving to Boston before the baby's born. So, the baby still doesn't have a place to sleep or a car seat or anything. But, you know, if I had the baby today, Jordan promised me he would go out and get those things I need, and we'll be just fine. I'm so excited to meet this little person. I know our lives are going to change dramatically, and that's always scary, but it's also fun and exciting! We have each other, and we have the gospel and can pray to Heavenly Father, and we have really supportive families behind us. I think we're going to do just fine. :)

The Baby or BYU Football?

Jordan and I just returned from a long roadtrip across the USA, and with that we had LOTS of time to talk. With college football season fast approaching, we talked a lot about BYU football and such. Now, I know Jordan loves BYU football, but the amount of his obsession only recently became clear. On our way there, we had this conversation:

Amanda: "Now, Jordan, you realize that we won't ALWAYS be able to rearrange our schedule every single BYU game day, right?"
Jordan: "Why not?"
Amanda: *shocked* "Um, because you're saying that almost every Saturday from September-December we'll have to work around a football game for the rest of our lives."
Jordan: "And this is a problem because..."
Amanda: "Uh, what if our kids have a soccer game?"
Jordan: "Oh, I'll have a smart phone by then and I'll be able to watch it there."

etc.

Of course, when ever I start getting to involved in talking about baby stuff and when the baby comes, Jordan's favorite change of topic has been to turn it to BYU football.

Here's another we had during our many car rides:
Amanda: "So, Jordan, do you promise that if I go into labor during a BYU football game that you'll come to the hospital with me."
Jordan: "Well, I mean, if you're just 'in labor' with an epidural and it's going to be hours before the baby's born, wouldn't be ok if I went to the game? I mean, if you're going to have the baby RIGHT THEN, then I suppose I'll miss the game..."

The big question came on our trip home, when I asked:
Amanda: "So, Jordan, if BYU went to a BCS Bowl this season, what would be the bigger event of 2010: Our first child being born, or BYU going to a BCS Bowl."
Jordan: *silence*
Amanda: "Did you hear me?"
Jordan: "Yes, I'm thinking about it... that's really hard to say."

....

Amanda: "YOU HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT?"
Jordan: "HA! If BYU goes to a BCS bowl, they won't play until 2011! So, the biggest event of 2010 will be the baby, and the BCS bowl will be a 2011 event!"
Amanda: *stunned silence*

So THAT'S where his priorities are... :) Hahahaha

DISCLAIMER: Of course, Jordan is very excited for the baby, and I'm sure that if I was going into labor, he'd miss the game (but we'd probably watch it in our hospital room... hey, I like BYU football too!), and I'm sure he'll be very happy to have a baby AND have BYU win.

Wilson Familiy Reunion

Yesterday Jordan and I made an appearance at my maternal grandma's family reunion. Growing up in Alaska, I hardly ever went to any family reunions, although I attended this one about 10 years ago when I was 14. It was so fun! I'm so lucky to be related to such great, faithful people. Jordan and I had a lot of fun looking at my family tree and trying to see if we're distantly related (I know that seems weird, but it seems like it would be weird if we WEREN'T related in some distant way. Both families are old Mormon pioneer families who settled in the Ogden area...).

There's a lot of people who I had heard of, who I may have met once or twice, that I'd seen pictures of that I got to talk to, which I really enjoyed. One of my favorite moments was when my Grandma and her sisters were talking about their father, who died when my Grandma was just 6 years old. They were all very young when their father passed away, but their memories were precious and sweet, and reminded me how I feel and remember my own late father. They talked about how even though they were very small (7 years and younger), they remembered him playing with them, and killing snakes to protect them when they were outside. It was these simple memories that they clung to and remembered how much their father loved them, even though he left this world when they were so young. Mostly, I was just struck about what an effect a man could have on their lives to be remembered so many years later.

I found myself contemplating Fatherhood. Who would my own father, who died 12 years ago, be to my child? I hope I can describe the incalculable love I felt from him, and how both his life and his death shaped my life. I also hope that I can express how sometimes really hard, inexplicable things happen, but you can be happy. As I grew up, Heavenly Father sent other men into my life who helped me and loved me, even though my own father couldn't be there. I guess more than anything I want to be able to express to my children that I don't feel I was handicapped by his absence, but ultimately I am happier because of it. And that Heavenly Father will always take care of us and fulfill our needs when we have faith.

Jordan is such a good father, already. I know we aren't yet holding our baby in our arms, but I am continually impressed with his commitment to our livelihood and safety. I can sense his excitement, and that brings me such joy. I am lucky that he married me, and that we can have such a beautiful life together. And I can't wait to meet this little baby!

Life is Happy

Lately I've been thinking a lot about how happy I am. How happy Jordan and I are. We feel like we're in such a good place. We're getting close to our two year anniversary, and things just feel... in place, I guess. What's most surprising is there are so many things going wrong right now! I mean, no job, we're still in Provo, baby on the way and we don't know where we're going to have it, we're living month by month not sure what will happen the next month, we are currently separated by the great country of Canada, etc. Yet despite all the unknowns, we feel monumentally blessed and happy.

I'm currently in Fairbanks for a couple of weeks while Jordan hangs around Utah. I waited apprehensively for this seperation, this is the longest we've been apart since he got home from his mission over two years ago. Yet I have felt great comfort and stability and love from all directions, and I feel confident we'll do just fine.

The job situation isn't necessarily better than any other time. He's in talks with two companies, although both are taking their time in getting a hold of us and such. Yet... even the fact that he is talking to companies and that interviews are happening makes everything ok.

And we're so excited about this new little baby coming to us. We're as ready as anyone could ever be (which is that you're never really ready for a baby), and we feel confident that this is the path that was meant for us. We feel so blessed that Heavenly Father has given us this beautiful gift. I know that this baby will change our lives dramatically, and that we'll never be the same. It will be hard, but it will also be wonderful.

So that gets me thinking of the joy we can feel in our trials. That even when everything seems to go wrong, in our hearts we can still find joy in something that is more eternal and everlasting than our worries. Those things are important, of course, but at the same time being happy is not dependent on what happens around us, it's what is going on within us. I'm so grateful for that assurance and the peace I feel. And I'm so grateful for a wonderful husband that reminds me of this all the time.

Ultrasound today!

We just got a DVD, no still pictures, so I don't really have anything to post, but it was still really cool! Sometimes I forget that there's a baby in there, so it was nice to be reassured of that fact. We're waiting to see if it's a boy or girl, so the Dr. didn't tell us (although he knows!), but we did see him/her move the little arms and wiggle around a bit. I still haven't felt the baby move... or nothing that I've been able to feel consistently, so it was really awesome to see that. The baby is measuring a bit big, so instead of being 18 week, it looks like I'm really close to 20 weeks. It wasn't enough that the Dr. felt like he wanted to change my due date (there could still be some error), but definitely a big baby! YAY!