Busy Life in the Hull House

As the kids get older, life inevitably gets busier.  I am actually pretty happy with this progress in life. I like our lives to be pleasantly busy.  I'm not super excited to be running at break neck speed or anything, but I appreciate a little pressure to do stuff.

Preschool both adds to the pressure and takes away.  Clara mostly enjoys her classes, although I can see her introverted personality shine through regularly where she says, "Mommy, I want to just stay home."  Once we get there, though, she enjoys herself and has fun.  I love her teacher, Miss Jaimee, and I love her fun and laid back approach to preschool.  I also started Clara in gymnastics at an awesome gym right by our house.  I love it, it's so good for Clara.  She's always been a mover (not a talker) and while her academic pursuits make her feel insecure, she has always been been confident taking on new physical challenges.  I really wanted to find something where she could feel like she excelled, and I think gymnastics might be the ticket.

Clara at gymnastics

Lucy does not lack for confidence, and I have been positively shocked at her love of preschool. She really loves her class and her friends, begging to go every single morning.  I have been a big part of that preschool, which keeps me busy.  I teach 4 times and help 4 times between now and May.  I have really enjoyed teaching, more than I thought I would!  I also feel like this preschool has given me the opportunity to really get to know some other moms in my area, which has been something I have missed since moving to Phoenix.  The friendship and support I have gained since being apart of the preschool co/op has been a huge blessing for me.

Lucy at preschool.  I would never be creative enough to come up with something this cool.  We also did a field trip to the first station.

One of the things that brings me the most joy is watching Clara and Lucy be best friends.  I did not anticipate this.  Or rather, I didn't dare get my hopes up that they would get along well enough to be friends.  But they really love to play together and look to each other every morning and after every nap.  We finally got them moved into the same room, and no one is happier about than Clara and Lucy (I, however, have had many second thoughts as they seem to get up earlier and earlier to play!).
We've spent time at the park nearly everyday this last week.  This time of year is what makes it tolerable to live in Phoenix and we're getting out every.single.day.  One of our most brilliant purchases of the year was a little playground in the back yard, but they still enjoy getting to the neighborhood park.  I also really, really love this phase where I do not have to shadow either of my children.  We get to the park, I say, "Go play" and off they go!

Oh, come on.  It does not get more adorable than this.

Other quick rundowns of what's happened the last few weeks:
-Our ward got moved to a different stake.  Totally shocked us all. We hear back next week if we get to stay a ward or we'll be further diced up.  That makes for a ward split and a move to a new stake all within a year.
-Lucy finally figured out how to peddle her bike.

Lucy got the whole peddling thing down!

-Jordan's working crazy hours again.  And thus begins busy season.  This is made much more tolerable by the fact that I now have a car to get around.  Minivan <3 forever.="" p="">-It felt like it took forever to feel this baby move around, but now that I can I wish that maybe she wouldn't wiggle so much on my bladder...
-Clara and Lucy are obsessed with the new baby and my baby belly.
-We went to the firestation as a field trip for Lucy's preschool.  Clara tagged along because she didn't have preschool that day.  It was a fire station at an airport, so it was pretty much toddler heaven.  Fire engines + planes + helicopters.

Fire station fun

Overheard in our House:

Clara: "Hey, wait a minute, I want to..."
Daddy: "Come on, Clara, we need to get going!"
Clara: "Oh, forget it, I'm coming"

Clara: (while standing in front of a mirror) "Daddy!  Look at my feet! I'm getting bigger!"

Clara: (while talking about reading the scriptures): "And it came to pass."

(I got some lovely sharp Cutco knives for Christmas this year.  I love them but I keep cutting my fingers.  After the 4th time in a four week period, this is the conversation I had with Clara)
Clara: Oh no, Mommy, what happened to your finger?
Me: Oh, I just cut it.
Clara: Again, Mommy? (you could practically hear the exasperation in her voice...)

The Days are Long, but the Years are Short

I love this picture so much.  I caught it while we were walking home from a short little walk.  The girls were so excited to be out on a walk (it's hot here and I never do it) that they were holding hands and playing together.  You can see our house in the background.  It represents so much of what life is to me right now.

I feel like I am finally understanding what it means to enjoy parenthood.  Don't get me wrong, I've always loved my kids, and there have always been wonderful moments that are fun and sweet, but now I feel like I get it.  There are hard days.  Very hard days.  Days where I go and lock myself in my room and then lock myself in a closet to get a moments peace (or maybe just a chance to eat a sandwich) (and yes, that's two locked doors between me and my darling girls), but there are also days when Lucy climbs into my lap and points at my fingers and says "Fingernails!"  Or when Clara snuggles in next to me and says, "I love you, Mommy."  Or when the first thing Lucy says when she wakes up from her nap is, "Where Cwara?"  Or when Clara, upon witnessing Lucy having a meldown in the car, says "Lucy!  Lucy!  Lucy!  It's ok, see?  We can have fun!  Look at this big hill we're going down!  Wee!"  And then they both proceed to giggle to each other in the car.  Having two toddler girls is so trying at times, but so perfectly pristine in other moments.  Truly, there is nothing more meaningful as a parent than watching your children become best friends.

The days are long, but the years are short.

Preschool for All!

My mom bugged me this weekend and told me I needed to update my blog.  She's probably right... we're so busy these days!  I have missed being busy.  It feels good to wake up each day and to have places to go and things to accomplish!

This year we're doing preschool in a big way.  I haven't done it before, but this year Clara has been dying to go to school I decided to dig in and make it happen.  I found this little preschool run out of a home that was relatively inexpensive (side note: the price of preschool in North Phoenix is ASTRONOMICAL) and close to our house.  Two days a week, 9am-11:30am.  Perfect!

At about the same time, I got an email from a friend who wanted to do a little co/op for her 2 year old, and was wondering if Lucy would join.  I wouldn't have ever considered preschool for Lucy (who won't be two until September 19th) (also, see "astronomical price of preschool"), but it was free AND it was happening at the exact same time as Clara's preschool.  Tuesday/Thursday from 9:15-11:15.  Hello, who am I to turn down such a lovely opportunity?  So, we went from no preschool, to everyone is in preschool!  Including mom about 1/3 of the time as a teacher/helper in the school for Lucy.

This was our first full week and it went so well!  Both girls enjoy their preschools, and not only do they have corresponding preschool days/times, we also have a friend who lives around the corner who's girls are the same ages and are both doing the same preschool!  This means one of us drops the older kids off and the other drops the younger kids off.  Really, I couldn't have coordinated this better if I planned it, it's clearly just meant to be.  Because of my schedule and a couple of ladies having babies this month, I'm doing most of my helping/teaching days for Lucy's preschool this month.  So no free time for me quite yet, but after this month the rest of the year should be lovely!

This year is the first time since I've had Clara that I haven't been "in charge" of our schedule.  In the past, I have been able to choose what we do and when, because we almost never had any commitments.  I have mixed feeling on the changes.  It took me a couple of years to adjust to being a free agent all the time with the kids, but over the last year it's been so nice to basically do whatever we want.  I will miss that freedom.  But I'm excited for the purpose and structure that school will give our weeks.  I love that we're starting out slow, we still have Monday/Wednesdays/Fridays entirely to ourselves to do as we please.  I really love our new schedule!

Lucy at Preschool the first day I was a helper

A Things-Have-Been-Going-Really-Well Blog Post

So I've wanted to write this post for a couple of months now, but I have been afraid it would come off as bragging.  But I have written about the challenging times our family has faced, and I feel I would be ungrateful (and a little bit of a liar) if I didn't mention when things seem to be going really well for us.  It's times like these that I actually start to almost worry, because things are TOO good.  I start to realize my time is at hand for a big trial and I make it a point to say extra prayers of gratitude, hoping maybe being super, extra grateful will mean difficult times will never come our way.  Of course, that's not how it works, and life has an ebb of flow of good times and more difficult times, and I just want to be sure I'm on record of appreciating when life is really great.

Jordan has been doing extremely well at work.  He recently took his career to the next level and is a certified ASA, which basically means he's a credentialed actuary.  He still has a couple more exams and some classes to take before he's a fully credentialed FSA, but we've been working towards the ASA for a long time, and it's very satisfying to have reached it.  He put in long hours of study (in addition to long hours at work) and just really worked his tail off, and I couldn't be prouder of him.  In terms of his career, we are in a very advantageous position.  If we wanted, we could get  a different job fairly easily.  His skills are highly marketable and we have excellent job security.  He has also made a great impression on his currently boss and they have made it clear that they value the good work Jordan does.  Even though Phoenix isn't my favorite place in the whole world, we find that we are comfortable staying a few more years.

Speaking of Phoenix, we are feeling more and more comfortable here.  I still don't love the heat or the landscape, but there are a whole bunch of different reasons to love it here.  I love all the things there are to do with little kids.  Having a second vehicle and Lucy dropping her morning nap have finally created great conditions for us to explore all the cool stuff for kids. I also feel like I'm making good friends and it's starting to feel more like home.

The kids ARE a challenge.  As my father in law said, they are at ages where they are "sucking vortexes of need." Ha.  I'm actually really happy he said it, because it makes me feel less crazy.  There's a reason I hit burnout!  Anyway, I have two toddlers and they are a lot of work.  But they are a lot of fun.  Clara is talking so well and keeps us well informed with what's going on.  Lucy is starting to talk, and she's so cute I could die.  They play reasonably well together and they seem to really like each other.  Every day is a new challenge, but it's kind of exciting.

When life is going well, I really feel it's important to acknowledge it and appreciate it.  I feel like I've been tasting the sweetness of life, and I really am beyond grateful.

A Grownup Vacation

Jordan and I went to Mexico last week, and it was amazing.  The trip itself was fun and beautiful and relaxing, all really important components to an excellent vacation.  We took a 7 day cruise out of Long Beach (we chose this specific cruise because it ports out of Long Beach and we can just drive over there from Phoenix), with two days in Puerto Vallarta and one day in Cabo.  We decided to get a room with a balcony and it was worth every single extra penny.  We would open our balcony at night and listen to the ocean, or we'd go out there and watch for whales as the sun set.

It was a really nice mix of "doing" and "not doing."  We went to the family friendly comedy shows, the love and marriage game, and a couple of other shows that were entertaining (especially from the perspective of a couple of people who do not really go to shows very often), or we'd sit in our room and read or watch TV.  We were both nervous not to be able to log onto the internet for the whole week (because the internet costs a freakin' arm and a leg!), but it was really a relief.  Jordan couldn't check into work.

Our big excursion was to go whale watching and snorkeling in Puerto Vallarta.  It was so so cool.  We did see a whale, and we watched a baby whale jump up and breach over and over and over again.  The baby whale (who was probably playing) jumped out of the water again and again for at least 15 minutes, and was still going when we left the scene.  The mother whale would come up for air close by, keeping close tabs on the little one.  It was so amazing.  We saw tons of fish while snorkeling, although we didn't stay in the water as long as we would have wanted.  After that, we were able to kayak a bit and see some cool birds.

While our vacation was really spectacular, what has been most amazing to me is how much better I feel now that I'm home.  I knew I was starting to wear thin and that my levels of patience were dropping dramatically, but I didn't realize how taking a week long break would really just totally rejuvenate me.  I have now learned my lesson.  Sometimes mom's need breaks, and that's ok.  Jordan and I aren't going to be able to take week long vacations every single year, but we might be able to go away for a weekend annually.

Summer Rundown

Our life has been busy!   I'll try to do a quick rundown of things that have happened in our lives the last few months:

-We went to Alaska in May!  It was so so fun, and we got to experience a late winter, which wounds weird to be excited about, but it was amazing.  Clara loved seeing snow and I loved wearing sweaters.  We all loved spending time with family.  Jordan worked over 300 hours in May while we were in Alaska, so I was super grateful to be there, and not stuck at home alone with two small kids in Phoenix while Jordan worked insane (INSANE!) hours.  In early June, Jordan and his parents surprised me when they flew Jordan up to visit for the weekend and then fly home with me and the kid's.  It was so cool to be in Alaska with Jordan.

Snowing, in May, in Alaska

It was a cold morning in Alaska, so we cuddled

-After getting back from Alaska, I had two weeks before turning around and flying to Missouri for a couple of weeks with Jordan's sisters.  It was two weeks of recuperating and... we bought a minivan.  Jordan and I have been discussing getting a second car for ages, and we finally just bit the bullet and did it!  It's a 2006 Toyota Sienna, and we L-O-V-E it.  It has totally changed my life.  We were a one car family for a long time, and it was starting to wear on me.  Have a second car (especially one with so much room) has given me an immense amount of freedom, and the kids and I gleefully go from one fun activity to the next in this baby.

I love the color.  I love this van.

Lucy playing in the pool in Phoenix

-At the end of June, the kids and I boarded a plane once again and headed off to Missouri.  Missouri is amazing.  Jordan's sisters live literally right next door to each other, and the kids basically wander the farm between the two houses.  I love being able to give Clara so much space and freedom, and so so so many playmates.  I love being able to talk to family whenever I want.  Jordan joined us for reunion about 2 weeks after the kids and I got there, and then he stayed for a week and a half.

Clara and cousin Katy

-Jordan and I had our 5 year anniversary while we were in Missouri!  The day of our anniversary, the Hull family reunion had planned an awesome trip to a Missouri lake where we rented two boats.  Jordan and I aren't particularly picky about our anniversary, we don't' feel like we need to do something special every single year (ok, confession: about half our anniversaries I'm usually in Alaska by myself), so we just had a great time on the boat with family.  That being said, to commemorate 5 years of marriage, we jumped off of the top of the boat together, and got this picture:
-

The couple that breaks rules and jumps off the tops of boats together, stays together.  That's a thing, right?

-Our last day there, we went to this little carnival that had rides perfectly sized for toddlers.  Really, it looked like all the rides were miniature, including a miniature Ferris wheel.  It was so fun, Clara loved it.

At a toddler carnival in Missouri.  Yes, a toddler carnival.

-When we finally got back to Phoenix at the end of July, we just had August and September left of summer, so we went to splash pads!  We ended up trying one all the over in Fountain Hills (about a 30 minute drive from our house) that was less busy and had super cool water features.

Clara thinks she's being super brave getting her hair wet.  You can imagine how difficult bath time is.

And there you have it.  A basic rundown of our summer!

Long Distance (Part III)

Much of our early relationship was spent in "long distance" mode.  Which sometimes seems so ironic to me because we grew up near each other, our parents (still, to this day) live 10 minutes apart from one another, and there were so many years where we were so close... but not together.  The most annoying was the very early days of our budding romance, right after we decided we were "together."  We had tip-toed around each other all summer, not sure what the other was feeling.  It wasn't until 5 days (FIVE DAYS!) before I had to fly back to Texas for college that we got our crap together and figured out that we loved each other.  And we had five days to enjoy it before the long periods of separation began.

Jordan stayed in Fairbanks to work and prepare for his mission.  I went back for my sophomore year at Stephen F. Austin in Nacogdoches, TX.  And here's the crazy thing: I think the fact that our early years were spent in separation made the whole experience that much more romantic.  There were declarations of love, written down for me to go and read latter.  There were long. drawn out phone conversations that lasted until 4 am, even though I had class at 8.  There were those thrilling moments when we were finally reunited, if only briefly, and they were out-of-this-world exciting.

A curious thing happened for us that I think foreshadowed the fact that we were going to make it, despite being mired in long-distance.  Rather than drifting apart, we drifted together.  When I first went to Texas, we'd email daily, and talk every 3 or 4 days on the phone.  Then Jordan came to visit me at school in November.  After that, we talked on the phone daily, and emailed several times a day.  When I returned to school after spending Christmas with Jordan (where we literally spent every waking second together), we proceeded to talk on the phone nearly every break we had in the day, and then we were too busy talking on the phone to send emails more than once a day.

Looking back, I can see how the long distance deepened our relationship.  Built on more than mutual attraction, more than convinence, more than even friendship, the very foundation of our romantic relationship was built upon sincere commitment, a very real desire we had to be together.  That sense of commitment, due to the nature of long distance relationships, has solidified in our marriage.  We feel deeply loyal to each other because we had years of practice of being loyal to each other.

Hiking in Denali (Part II)

The first time Jordan and I went hiking in Denali, I was completely infatuated with him and desperately trying to get him to like me.  I was headed into my Junior year of high school, and Jordan was headed for BYU in just a few days.  I was sad at the prospect of him leaving college, but even sadder at the thought that he wouldn't even miss me.  Over the course of the summer, we had become email buddies, exchanging letter once every few days, talking about a variety of topics, although love was never one of them (I wasn't brazen enough to just come out and tell him "I'm totally in love with you!"), and, oh yeah, he had a girl friend.  But before he headed to BYU, I somehow convinced him to go hiking in Denali with me.  Frankly, the fact that he even agreed to drive 2 hours to a hiking location with me days before leaving for college demonstrates the value of our friendship to him, although I was too caught up in the fact that he didn't love me to appreciate it.

This is a fantastic picture of where we went hiking.  We started by climbing that rock formation there at the bottom of the picture (the hike I always went on), and then Jordan said, "why don't we climb this next one!" that mountain to the right of the picture.  I, ever the eager-pleaser, agreed, and it about killed me and my way out of shape butt.  Jordan spent the entire time using his new, cool GPS he won in a mathematics competition in school, and I spent the whole time wishing he was as into me as he was into the GPS. But alas, we climbed, we had fun, we went back down as friends.  Jordan left a couple of days later, and we spent the next few years writing emails back and forth, as friends.

Almost exactly three years later, we decided to go hiking again.  Things were different.  We had spent the last three years as friends, emailing regularly about our lives.  We were both single and working in Fairbanks for the summer, and neither of us knew what that meant.  I had been telling myself for months now that I didn't have feelings for Jordan anymore.  And honestly, I still don't know what Jordan was thinking for the majority of that summer.  Anyway, 5 days before I was to head back to Texas for college, I told Jordan I wanted to go hiking in Denali.  He agreed.  After climbing the first rock formation, I realized we had forgotten a flashlight and Jordan volunteered to run back to the car before we conquered the second peak. As he ran down, I told him, "Don't get hurt!" and he replied, "Anything for you!" and all I could think of was the Princess Bride and how when Wesley says "As you wish" he really means "I love you" and oh my goodness, Jordan loves me! He came back, we hiked up to the second  peak, and as we sat there in punctuated conversation, looking at the spectacular view, everything came spilling all out. We loved each other.  We wanted to be together.  There were a lot of things said, half I can't remember because it was such an insane, heady experience, but I walked away knowing we were going to be married, that this was indeed the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.  

One more time, nearly 3 years later, we found ourselves hiking once again. We didn't climb with secret crushes, but with our relationship well established and consistent.  I was finished with college and working in Fairbanks, and Jordan had returned from his mission in Mongolia just 3 months earlier.  We had spent every single day together (something, that up to that point, we had never been able to do).  It was May 31, 2008, and although Jordan didn't know, it was exactly 10 years since my father had died.  We followed the same path: up the first peak, and then up the second.  There at the top, we tried to find the exact spot where we had started our relationship almost 3 years earlier.  Instead of silence and anticipation, there was easy conversation and laughter.  And then he got on one knee and asked me to marry him.  We stayed on top of that mountain, talking about our futures and where we would go and what we wanted our lives to be like.  

We haven't been back since, mostly because our lives are so busy.  College, then a baby, then a job, then a move, then another baby and here we are.  But I love that it seems everything for us came back to a beautiful hike in one of the most beautiful places in the world.  And you know, hiking is so much like marriage.  Sometimes it's steep, and it's so hard and you don't know if you can keep going, and sometime the views are so breathtakingly beautiful you try to remember every detail of the moment so you can always go back there.  You spend most of the time helping each other.  When one wants to quit, the other is there to tell them to keep going, because it's all going to be worth it. And it has been worth it.  Every moment I have been with Jordan has been worth it.

It started as a friendship (Part 1)

(Over a year ago I wrote a couple of blog posts about my history/love story with Jordan.  They have been sitting in my posts section, unpublished, for various reasons... I was waiting until our 5 year anniversary, which has past... I was somewhat self-concious about them... etc.  But I think I should put them out there.  I think my husband is pretty amazing, and I think our story is kinda cool, but I'm not offended in the least if you totally skip these.)

One of my favorite things that I do about once a year is to go back and read the old emails Jordan and I wrote between each other the years before we got married.  And when I say "years of emails" I mean we seriously have about 5 years worth of emails and letters.  We started writing as he graduated high school into his first year of college, and as I went into my Junior year of high school.  I had a mad crush on him, and he had a steady girlfriend to whom he was pretty committed.  This, of course, did not stop me from trying to weasel my way into his life, by any means possible.  I eventually realized this meant I needed to be his friend, and I would be totally there to catch him when his relationship eventually failed (or so I hoped).

Looking back, I am more than a little ashamed of the selfish and pretty questionable ethics that prompted our friendship.  And it didn't work out at all like I thought it would, so that gives me a bit of peace of mind.

Anyway, these emails at the time were a bit of me trying to coax him into liking me.  But they have turned out to be far more valuable than that.  For instance, Jordan did NOT start emailing me to woo me, and therefore his emails are far more genuine and in many ways, fascinating glimpses into the head of a thoughtful 18 year old as his entire life is changing.  I am lucky he felt comfortable sharing many vulnerable aspects of his soul, probably because I wasn't the love of his life, but because I was his friend (and although he'll never admit it, I think he knew I adored him, and therefore could do very little wrong in my eyes.  A safe place for secrets).

That first year we began emailing each other (me in Alaska attending high school, Jordan at BYU), I was trying to please him in emails.  To sound smart, competent, and kind.  I wanted him to know I cared, but I also wanted him to think of me as an equal, not just some little high schooler.  I am highly embarrassed of these emails, to the point I can not read them.  I have tried.  It is humiliating.  I keep waiting for the time when I can look back and laugh, and clearly (even 11 years later) I have not reached that point.

That being said, I can not regret emailing him, because Jordan was going through something important.  He was really struggling with college.  Not with the academics or the new independence, but with the emotional aspect of being a nice guy in a sea of jerks. I am so grateful to have been able to be a part of it, even if in small part.  I have such a greater understanding of my husband now because he wrote me, he talked to me, honestly as a friend through some of his most difficult experiences.  I wasn't his only or even most important confidant, but I was there.

The Father of my Children

I have been trying to convince one of my friends that she's ready to become a a mom.  I've talked about how hard parenthood is, but how it comes with equal rewards.  I've talked about how you're never ready, and that's ok (it's better that way, even).  I've talked about how everything changes, but after you have a baby you find yourself not caring that you can't go to the movies on a whim.  But I find my most compelling argument for having a baby is to be able to witness your husband become a father.

Jordan and Clara December 2010

It's amazing.

I can remember the moment that I saw Jordan become a dad.  Clara had been born, but was having some trouble breathing, so they took her away to the NICU.  Jordan followed for a bit, but then caught up with me.  It was 2:30am and we were waiting to hold her.  We had been up for almost 24 hours, but couldn't sleep until she was with us.  When they finally walked into the room with her at 3am, they handed her to Jordan and he said in the most tender voice I had ever heard, "Oh Amanda, she's so cute!"  There's been no going back for him since.

Jordan holding Clara for the first time.  Look at that picture!  That's pure adoration right there...

He loves loves loves spending time with his girls.  Honestly, there's nothing he'd rather do than run around playing hide and seek with Clara, or helping Lucy to figure out how to crawl on her knees, or kicking a ball around with Clara, or carefully spoon-feeding Lucy her dinner.  While I find myself often eager to pass the kids off on him when he comes home, he never seems to tire (or complain).  I would chalk it all up to the fact that I spend unlimited amounts of time with the children while his parenting hours are much shorter, except he's ALWAYS been like this.  Since the beginning, when we were both at home all hours, and Clara was a tiny baby.  He just really loves spending time with his kids, and he's a fun, attentive and purposeful father.  And both of his daughters truly adore him for it.

Jordan holding Lucy for the first time.

It's so meaningful to me (possibly the most meaningful part of parenthood) to watch my daughters love their dad as much as I loved and adored my dad.  I see them learn and play with their daddy and I am reminded of my own childhood.  I am so lucky his is my husband that the perfect father of my children.  I am so happy that he and I are in this parenting thing together, I can't imagine doing it without him.  Happy Father's Day, Jordan.

Jordan with both his girls

Lucy in 2013 (so far)

Not to be forgotten, Lucy is growing like crazy!  She's going to be six months old on Tuesday, and I can hardly believe it.  In many ways, I feel like Lucy and I are finally starting to hit a good groove together.  I'm meeting her needs, and she's starting to sleep on a consistent schedule... (that's all I ask!  Sleeping on a consistent schedule!)

It's so interesting to me to look at the differences between Clara and Lucy.  For instance, Clara has always been a bit slower to pick up on talking and language.  She didn't babble much as a young baby, and has remained a quiet toddler.  Lucy.  Oh my goodness, Lucy is a talker.  She's just crazy social.  While Clara was content to play by herself quietly, Lucy wants to be engaged.  It's great that she's a second kid, because Clara is great at engaging with her and getting her to play (making the demands on mom easier... yay!).

On the other hand, Clara made up for her lack of interest in talking by moving.  That girl was an early sitter, an early (and vigorous) crawler, and was running at 11 months.  Lucy doesn't seem as interested.  She's about six months old, and although we practice daily, she doesn't sit up on her own yet.  I'm not worried, but I find the contrast between my two girls (one a mover and quiet, the other a talker and content to be still) fascinating.

Oh, and I cannot tell you how excited I am that they really seem to like each other!  It's amazing!  I'm sure things are going to get more contentious as Lucy gets a bit more willful, but for now, it's so perfect.  Clara loves having an audience, and Lucy loves being an audience.  Lucy doesn't care if Clara takes her toy, and Clara loves to take her toys (sigh....).

I adore Lucy's dark hair and long, dark eyelashes.  I'm sure this is mostly my mother's bias, but I can't get over what a pretty baby she is.  I mean, it's ridiculous.  That skin, those cheeks, that DIMPLE, those big eyes with beautiful dark eyelashes.  Ridiculous.

While Lucy is turning 6 months old this week, we're still just barely venturing into solid foods.  Honestly, I'm lazy.  Even after goign to a baby food making party (and now I have TONS of homemade baby food!  Yay!) I'm still slow about actually pulling out the food and heating it up and spooning it in for Lucy.  And she hasn't taken too kindly to anything I've given her.  She's interested, definitely.  She's always grabbing at my food when I'm eating, and she's fasinated to watch us eat at dinner, but if I try to spoon anything for her, she makes the funniest faces, and then refuses to open her mouth.  I'm sorta waiting until she can sit up on her own, and then I think I'm just going to give her basic finger foods, I don't think she likes the spoon to mouth thing.

She is such a happy baby who loves to interact and play, and we sure do love her.

Clara in 2013 (so far)

Clara has really hit that hilarious toddler phase.  As cliche as it sounds, she really does make us laugh every day.  More than that, she amazes me every day.  Here are some fun things she's been doing and saying:

1. She loves her princesses.  Like, wow.  LOVES her princesses.  Her love of princesses came out of nowhere.  We don't own a princess movie.  We don't read princess books.  But somehow, she saw the figurines and knew exactly what they were, and she plays with them every.single.day.  And I love it.  I love that she's found something she loves.

2. She loves wearing "princess dresses."  She asks to wear a princess dress every day.  She gets so excited on Sunday, because it means she can wear her prettiest dresses.

3. Clara loves nursery, and every morning she asks if she can go.  The reason we survive Sacrament Meeting is that we can say, "In a few minutes you can go to Nursery!  So be quiet so you can go!"  Works like a charm.

4. She has seriously surprised me with how quickly she picks up music.  I know some people are surprised saying, "But you're a musician!  Of course your kid is musical!"  But I really didn't  feel that way, because I'm not a naturally talented musician (meaning I don't pick up songs and melodies by ear easily).  Clara, on the other hand, picks up melodies quickly and remembers them for days.  And she learns so many songs through nursery that I have never, ever sung for her.  It's so amazing.  But my favorite thing is when I sing her a song, and she cuddles in and says, "I like that song, Mommy." *melt*

5. Clara adores Lucy.  She loves to make Lucy smile and laugh.  When they have been playing together, and Lucy gets a bit overwhelmed and needs me to pick her up, Clara get's upset and says, "Lucy lay down!" and pats the place where she was, right next to her.

6. Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood is her favorite show.  She asks for Daniel Tiger every morning.  She named her stuffed bear "Tiggy" after Daniel Tiger's stuffed tiger, Tiggy.  Cute, right?

7. She is so so so sneaky.  If I'm not careful with her pacifier, my phone, or any delicious food, she can get her stool and get it on almost any surface.  It's my life very complicated.

busy season has hit...

.... and honestly, I'm not sure if I'm ready!  Things get crazy for Jordan at work every year between March and the first few weeks of June.  He often works 10 hours a day, and there will be many days where he works 14-16.  It's not my idea of a good time.  Frankly, it's not Jordan's idea of a good time, either.  We just have to push through, and know the majority of the year, he works a relatively easy schedule.

To ease this time for both of us, I decided to go to Alaska for the entire month of May and into the first  week of June.  That way Jordan can work 14 hour days and not feel guilty, and I am not stuck at the house by myself with kids for days on end.  Also, my family hasn't met Lucy yet (except Robin!), and I know they are just dying to see her.  And finally, if I'm going to get on a plane with my 2 little kids, the trip better be totally worth my time!  The great news is that on my way there, my sister Robin and my beloved aunt Renee (with her new baby) will be with me for my flight up.  All I have to do is survive my trip back alone with two kids.  I can pretend that's never going to happen, right?

We've started to add some really great things to our house to make it a home.  The biggest thing is our new, amazing, beautiful piano.  I love it.  Oh, how I have missed having a piano.  It makes me feel connected to the world I used t be apart of.  It makes me excited to teach my kids music, and to play the primary songs so they know every single one.

I've started to teach a couple of voice lessons.  My first student is this great gal I managed to recruit off of craigslist, and she's pretty much a perfect voice student.  Practices, doesn't want to sound like Kesha, comes to me with perfect questions that lead into great voice lessons... really, amazing.  Really, the only drawback is that she's really nervous and won't sing in front of me!  We finally discovered a system that I think works for us: she records herself singing at home and sends it to me.  It's been fun to be problem solving and thinking about singing again.

Jordan's in mourning that BYU football is over.  BYU Basketball doesn't really cover it, especially on this down year.  He's also disappointed the Jimmer is way under-utilized for the Sacramento Kings.  Free Jimmer!

The weeks are going by so quickly.  Soon, busy season will be over and we can function as a normal family unit again.  Yay!

2012 in Review

Remembering 2012, here we go!

January: We were finishing up the process of buying our house!  I found out I was pregnant with Lucy halfway through the month, and the morning sickness started a couple of weeks later.

January fun

February: We got the keys to our house, but we had the whole month to move in.  I hate moving, so it was stressful, but Jordan did a good job of working lots of hours and doing all the packing.

This is how I remember feeling in February...

March: We officially live at our new house, and started going to our new ward.  Back in January before I found out I was pregnant, I had decided to go visit Kelly (Jordan's sister) in Connecticut.  The flight were horrible!  Clara was incredibly difficult, and my morning sickness is made much worse by planes and motion sickness.  But I had a BLAST in Connecticut   Jordan went to LA for the Healthcare Conference for his work while I was away and learned how to play golf!

Clara and Caroline in Hartford

April: Ok, I can't remember April much.  Getting hotter, getting more pregnant, Clara talking more.  The usual.  :)

One of the few pictures we took in April...

May: AMY AND HYRUM CAME TO VISIT AND IT WAS AWESOME!  Seriously, though, we had so much fun and I can't wait to do it again at some point in the future.  We played, went to the Musical Instrument Museum, made ice cream, and generally had a great time.  We also found out that we were having another little girl in May!  I was so so excited to have have two little girls.

Clara and Hyrum eating homemade ice cream

June: Tons of business.  First, my cousin Melissa and her husband Thomas stayed at our house for a couple of days.  We played games and talked a bunch, it was so fun!  After that, we headed to Utah for Jordan's family reunion (happening at the same time as the extended family Hull Reunion and the Thompson Reunion).  It was so fun, but WAY too short.  I had gotten used to spending weeks with Jordan's family, and I hated that this was over in 6 days (I couldn't stop crying at the end because I didn't want to say goodbye and I was pregnant).  After we got home, three days later I had to get on a plane with Clara and go spend 6 1/2 weeks in Alaska.  The day I was supposed to leave, I got very sick and I wasn't sure if I could make it, but I got on that dumb plane anyway and we made it to Fairbanks in one whole, very tired piece.  The next day was my dear friend Katelin's wedding, which I was both a bridesmaid and singing in the wedding, so that was lots of craziness.

Taking pictures for Daddy with Mom all dressed up for Katelin's wedding

July: I spent the WHOLE MONTH in Fairbanks!  We played with cousins and aunts and uncles and Grandmas and Grandpas and overall had a grand time.  I loved the cool weather while I was in my third trimester.  I managed to get the flu AGAIN while I was in Alaska, and I had to spend an afternoon in the hospital getting IV fluids and having some extremely painful contractions.

Dressed up as book charaters at a Library party at Alaskaland

August: I had so much fun in Alaska, I didn't want to leave.  I almost asked Jordan if I could extend my already lengthy trip (poor guy), but after I got home, I had to turn around AGAIN and fly to Utah for Kaitlyn and Eddie's wedding!  Alright, I won't lie, that trip was so hard.  It was hot, I was 33 weeks pregnant, I had to walk all over temple square and I was having contractions like crazy.  But the wedding was beautiful!  After we got home, that was it, no more traveling until the baby was born.

Clara and cousin Hannah helping Grandma Hull Cook

September: Lucy was born on the 19th!!!!  YAY!  I'm so glad she's here and apart of our family.  She's so beautiful and so sweet.

Brand new little Lucy!

October: Robin came to stay with us to help with the baby for a week, and then my MIL came for another weeks and she completely redid my house!  LOVE IT!  Clara was a very cute little owl for Halloween, and Lucy was a football.

Cute girls!

November: Pinetop and Eagar for Thanksgiving!  It was so nice getting out of Phoenix for a bit.

Hanging out in Pinetop with Mom

December: Christmas with just our little family, and it was so nice.  Really, we have been so blessed, and it's been wonderful to remember that this time of year.

Happy Sisters!

And here's to a new year with fun adventures and plenty of time with family!

Christmastime in the face of tragedy

This Christmas has been one of my most difficult years.  I have missed my family.  I have missed the snow.  I have have missed my husband, who has needed to put in long hours of work.  I have felt overwhelmed with trying to establish Christmas for my 2 year old when I have a newborn who requires so much attention, and who kinda binds me to the house.  I have missed sleep.  Really, I have missed sleep a lot.  The truth is, it hasn't felt much like Christmas at all.  Sure, I have a tree, but I have really struggled to grab that Christmas feeling.

Last night I was feeling particularly sorry for myself.  There was a relief society Christmas Progressive dinner I really wanted to attend, but Jordan had to work late again.  He worked really hard to come home in time so that I could at least go to the dessert (where I had signed up to bring a dish).  I almost didn't go, thinking it wasn't worth it.  But Jordan pushed me out the door with my brownies, and I showed up just in time at the last house.  I was lucky, the majority of the program was at this particular house, so I got to attend the most important part (yay!).  There was a wonderful speaker who talked about doing three things to make this a Christ centered holiday:

1. Look at yourself in the mirror and see yourself the way the Savior sees you.
2. Compliment someone everyday.
3. Find something magical in the season everyday.

I was touched by this list.  These were exactly what I was struggling with, and I went home a little teary, remembering the tender mercies of the Lord, that He knows me.  I was all geared up for the next day, ready to feel Christmasy armed with my little to-do list that was surely going to make everything better.

Then, today, the horrible news about the shootings in Connecticut   I think everyone is horrified.  How can I feel the Christmas spirit when there's such evil?  When there is so much pain?  I think of the terror those sweet babies must have felt.  The horror their parents feel.  Can't we just cancel Christmas this year?

And then for the first time, I feel like I've been able to feel what Christmas is about.  The strains of "Peace on Earth" that we hear over and over in the hymns.  I think we often hope that the world will be saved by someone who will totally eradicate evil, will make these events a thing of the past.  And I do believe that day will come, and I, along with the rest of the world, hope and pray for that day.  But the peace that Christmas brings, that the Savior brings, is the peace of the Atonement.  It's not peace in the outside world, but peace in our own hearts, it's the peace that we choose.  I know that there was a child, a Savior, born of Mary, who went on to live a life of kindness, of goodness and of compassion.  He suffered in Gethsemane  where He felt all the pain in this world, so he could more fully understand our suffering, and perfectly know how to heal us.  I know that through Him all the wrongs in this world can be made right.  I also know that there is life after death, that this is not the end.

That little baby whose birth we celebrate a Christmastime, He brought all of this goodness into the world.  And the peace I feel know is my knowledge that He is perfect, and all will be made right through Him.  And so, as I think of this tragedy today, I mourn with those that mourn, and I feel grief, but I also feel peace.  I will look to the Savior this Christmas, and teach my children of His Goodness, and pray that all will feel of His Peace.

"And behold, he shall be born of Mary, at Jerusalem... she being a virgin, a precious and chosen vessel, who shall be overshadowed and conceive by the power of the Holy Ghost, and bring forth a son, yea, even the Son of God.  And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.  And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.  Now the Spirit knoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people..."

Book of Mormon, Alma 7:10-13

Clara

I haven't written a post about Clara lately, because writing about Clara is too complex for me.  She's just turning into this amazing, funny little person, and I can never quite capture it when writing.  But I'm going to try to write some stuff, if nothing else so I remember.

She LOVES being a big sister, and has been an absolute dream.  We were warned over and over again about jealousy and that she would have such a hard time with the baby.  I am so grateful that neither of these things were true for Clara.  She wakes up every morning saying, "Baby?  Baby?" and runs to find her.  She gives Lucy unsolicited kisses, and understands that she needs to be very gentle.  She's always been very sensitive when Lucy cries, and gets concerned, offering her binkie and saying, "Momma!  Baby crying!"  When Lucy cries in the car, she very gently but firmly says, "Lucy, stop.  Lucy, stop."  Never yells at her or gets mad, more like she's enforcing a rule.  With that, just the last few days Lucy has shown a lot more interest in Clara.  When Clara passes, Lucy looks at her and smiles.  I think we're getting into big-sister-will-make-little-sister-laugh territory.  I know it's too soon to tell, but I'm so hopeful that they'll like each other and want to play together.  Jordan and I were discussing this the other day, and we realized that Clara is ALWAYS going to love Lucy and want to play with her, that's just her personality.  Really, it's whether or not Lucy is going to get annoyed with Clara...

Clara's talking is really taking off!  She was a little later than some kids, but I wasn't too worried.  It fits her personality that she waited to talk until she was a bit more confident.  Our biggest issue now is that her binkie is really in the way, and I haven't been disciplined enough to take away the binkie during the day.  Sometimes, even without the binkie, she'll talk like she has it in her mouth.  Other than that, she says new and funny things every day!  And I'm surprised at how much she really understands me.

When you have a second baby, teaching the concept of "patience" is an absolute necessity.  And I'm very lucky to have Clara, who has always been naturally patient.  Sometimes I simply can't do things right away for her because of Lucy or we're in the car or something, and I can say, "Clara, you're going to have to wait.  Can you wait a little bit for me?  I promise I will do this/get that/play with you as soon as I'm done."  She always says yes.  Now, how long "wait" means varies depending on how tired she is, but overall I think her abilities are very impressive for a 2 year old.  I try to ALWAYS follow through to re-enforce the idea that if you wait, you can get what you asked for, but really, it isn't me.  Clara just has a really sweet, patient temperament, and for that I am so very, very grateful.

She loves loves loves Jordan.  Those two are like peas in a pod.  When he's home, they play and play and play, and Clara wants to copy everything he does.  When she's hurt, she cries for Daddy.  She will do things for him that she'll NEVER do for me (like eat dinner!).  I love watching them, and I"m so glad they're so close.

Clara's imagination is really blooming.  She loves her stuffed animals and they are her "babies."  She likes to name them them after her friends.  She puts them to bed, feeds them food and chews them out ("Stop it.  Now!").  She also loves her blocks.  She likes to build things and then show me and Jordan.

I could go on and on all day, and you'd  only see a fraction of her sweet personality.  I am so grateful she is mine.  She makes me smile every day.

Adventures in newborn sleep...

... well, "adventures" could actually translate quite well to "tears" for all involved (except Jordan, I suppose).  I'm not good with the whole sleep deprivation thing.  Sometimes I just cry, and then I feel like a horrible mother.  Why am I crying?  I'm such a wimp.

Anyway, Lucy keeps me guessing.  There's actually some really good things happening with her sleep.  1- She's got her days and nights going right, and her bedtime has moved up to between 5:30-6, which is where it's supposed to be (at least according to Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child, my favorite sleep book).  When she goes down at night, she sleeps all night (meaning when she eats, she doesn't expect to play, she just goes back to sleep).  She did this all naturally, and I'm very grateful.  2- We have gotten into a great routine of Eat, Play, Sleep.  She doesn't want to be nursed to sleep, which is both a blessing and a curse (more on this later).  Her awake times are about 1 hour, and then she naps for 45 min-2 hours and then she eats.  It's a good schedule.  Sometimes I can even get her to go to sleep on her own when I put her down drowsy.  Maybe about 25% of the time.  Not bad.

Now, for the bad.  She sleeps for 8 hours at night.  Yay!  Those hours are 6pm-2am.  BOO.  I have tried to move it.  Feed her when I go to sleep, etc.  No luck.  She feels the need to wake up and eat between 2-4, no matter what I do.  It's so lame.  I think I just have to wait for her to out-grow it.

If she's awake for much longer than an hour, she becomes extremely overtired and is incredibly difficult to put to sleep.  She just gets herself so worked up nothing can calm her down.  While I love I don't have an eat-sleep association, it would be so helpful if she would eat and calm down when she was so worked up and exhausted.  Alas, she refuses to nurse when she's really angry.  This is a total turn around from Clara, who LOVED nursing.  Feeding her could solve any problem, and I loved how I always had the ability to calm her down.  With Lucy, I feel so powerless sometimes.  When she got her vaccinations, I was already to take her and feed her and get her soothed before we left.  She would.not.latch.  It was upsetting for me, I felt like I had failed her as her mother.  :(

The biggest issue is that Lucy is so routine bound that when we mess it up, she won't sleep.  She struggles to sleep in car seats, and I have tried every carrier and she kinda hates all of them.  Church is bad, but the evening after church is an absolute nightmare.  She doesn't sleep at church (remember how she won't sleep in car seats?), so when it comes time to go to bed she's so overtired that it's nearly impossible to get her to stay asleep.  This has caused me to be quite home bound.  It's just not worth it to leave in almost all cases.  I'm looking forward to the day I can leave the house and know I won't pay for it later...

Anyway, that was a whole bunch of whining on my part, I know.  I remind myself it does get better, and eventually she will sleep.  Frankly, with some of the good habits she has so far, she should sleep through the night sooner than Clara did (11 months).  Until then, I'll dream of 5 hours of consecutive sleep...

Thanksgiving in Pinetop

This Thanksgiving, we decided to get out of Phoenix for a bit.  Jordan's parents have a timeshare up there, and we decided to take advantage of the condo and take in some nice cooler weather.  It was such a relief to see pine trees!

For Thanksgiving itself, we drove about an hour past Pinetop to Eagar, where my Aunt and Uncle live.  We had Thanksgiving with their family  which was a blast.  I was kinda depressed with the idea of eating Thanksgiving Dinner with just Jordan and I, wrestling Clara to try SOMETHING.  Thanksgiving is much more fun with a larger group of people, in my opinion.  My Aunt and Uncle have a couple of granddaughters Clara's age, so she spent the day running around and playing.

We stayed in Pinetop an additional day.  We were staying in a condo, which had a couple of rooms and a full kitchen, perfect for parents with kids.  We had a Harry Potter marathon, kept up with football, and went and played on the playground.  It was so relaxing.  The door had handles instead of knobs, which meant Clara could leave her room.  We woke up a couple of times in the middle of the night with Clara in Jordan's face saying, "Hi Dada!  Hi Dada!  Play?"  While a bit annoying, it was kinda cute.

Anyway, overall it was a great choice.  I hope to go back sometime this summer to escape the Phoenix heat.  It was so nice!

Lucy at 1 month

After yesterday's downer of a post, here's some happier fare.

I'll be honest, I'm crazy lucky.  I made cute, easy babies.  Both Clara and Lucy have been easy infants, although in different ways.  Clara was easily appeased with nursing and she rarely fussed.  But she really struggled to sleep longer than 2 hours at any given time.  Lucy fusses more frequently, is harder to calm down, and is overall MUCH louder than Clara.  But she makes up for it by sleeping... oh, the sleep!  She sleeps for at least 3 hours at a time, often 4, and I've even gotten some 6 hour stints at night.  SO GREAT.  I didn't get that out of Clara until she was 5 months old.

So, Lucy sleeps in longer chunks.  That meas she also doesn't nurse nearly as often, and the space between feedings is getting farther apart everyday.  This is both awesome and unnerving.  I never stop worrying if my kids are getting enough to eat.  But Lucy gives every indication of excellent growth (with some delectably chubby arms and legs... yum!), even if she only eats every 4 hours at 6 weeks.  Really, we've nailed down a routine.  Not quite a regular "schedule" yet, but definitely a routine.  She wakes up, eats, stays awake for about 45 min-1 hour, then we get her to go to sleep (this is when she's at her fussiest), and she sleeps for 2-3 hours.  Extend that time at night.  Really, you can't ask for an easier newborn.

These are pictures from her newborn session with Kailee Judd, a friend from Alaska who did a FANTASTIC job.  I love them!

I like her so much.  We've seen a couple of genuine smiles, but they are pretty rare so far.  She tolerates Clara well enough, and it's so fun to see her grow.  It's happening so so fast!

Feeling depressed... ish?

I'm not totally sure what's going on.  My moods and emotions have been all over the place the last week or so.  I guess it could still be postpartum hormones bouncing around in my body, although it seems a bit "late" to me.  I'll be 6 weeks postpartum on Wednesday, aren't I past the crazy mood swings yet?

One day this week, Clara asked to go for a walk.  What a delightful idea, I thought.  Clara was so excited that she helped me get everything ready, setting up the stroller and she was sitting so quietly when I was getting Lucy ready.  Everything was going great until I tried to put Lucy in the Moby.  Awfulness ensued.  I guess I'm just doing the wrap incorrectly or something, but Lucy is NOT ok with being carried around in the Moby.  We don't have a double stroller, so if Lucy won't deal with the Moby, then we're not going anywhere.  I had to tell a very disappointed Clara to please come back in, and tears ensued for all three of us.  Thankfully, Clara was calmed down with an episode of Blue's Clues and Lucy eventually went to sleep.  Me?  I spent most of the day crying on and off.  Can you say over-reaction?  I just couldn't get over it and spent the rest of the day kinda wallowing.

Today was another rough day.  Again, things were tricky with both kids.  It was hard to enjoy church when it just seemed like at least one kid was always crying.  But the truth is there's a couple of things really hanging over me.  First, I worry I haven't made any really good friends here in Phoenix.  I mean, I have made friends, and I have people that I very much like and enjoy spending time with, but I worry that they don't feel the same about me.  I'm really looking for a friend that can be my "replacement" family here in Phoenix, and I don't think I've found that yet.  And it makes me sad.  The second issue is related to that: we're here for the holidays.  Every year that we've been married, we've always gone to Missouri for at least ONE holiday, and I LOVE it.  And this year, between reunions, marriages and having a baby, Jordan just does not have the time off.

I'm ridiculously broken up over it.  It's so silly, and I feel so frivolous  but it makes me tear up just thinking about being in Phoenix by ourselves for Thanksgiving and Christmas.  If we had good friends here that I felt like we could spend the holidays with, I don't think it would be so sad, but we just don't (yet).  It doesn't help that Jordan isn't the most social fellow, so he's totally happy that it's just us.  I actually think he might be a little offended that I feel the need to have other people around.

But really, the issue to all of these things is they're all OVER-REACTIONS.  Why can't I just put things in perspective and move on?  Why can't I just get over it already?  There are times (lots of times, really) that I feel great.  I feel like my life is on track, I'm making progress, that I'm GOING somewhere.  When people ask how I feel, I always say, "Great!" and I really feel like I mean it.  There are so many great things about my life.  And then there are days I can't stop crying.

I don't think it's anything clinical.  Most likely (even though it seems weird to me) it's post baby hormones messing with my head.  And even beyond that, our family has gone through a major change, and whenever I go through a major life change I get serious emotional whip lash.  I shouldn't even be surprised.

Anyone else emotionally everywhere in the months following having a baby?  Am I crazy and I just don't know it?